So,
Life has certainly taken a turn for the better since last week!!!
As you could see from my last post life wasn't going well.
The B2 meeting we had didn't go to well for me and I was feeling more lonely than ever.
Then, during the week a guy from B2 added me on msn and Facebook. We started talking for aaagggeeesss! He was a really nice guy. He eventually told me that he liked me and he thought i was cute!!
I was like, what?!? Lol
Do he asked me eventually: "so what would ya do if I was to try and get stuck into you on Sunday??"(which was the B2 Xmas party)
I was taken aback but I realized that I did kinda like him. And as I talked to him I got to like him more.
So I said "I might let ya!" lol
So we decided that we'd try something on Sunday.
So today was the day, but it was quite crowded and we didn't get a chance.
And also, there was this other guy. One I hadn't seen before but he's been to B2 loads before.
He was REALLY cute!!! Like, WAY outa my league cute!!
But I found him flirting with me. He was a really nice guy to. More my type than the other guy.
He even asked me for my number!! He even offered me his jacket when i was cold!!! If thats not flirting i dunno what is!!! And he texted me only an hour after we went home!!!
Then I was talking to the first guy on msn a few minutes ago.
He said that he didn't try anything because he saw the other guy flirting with me. He said that the new guy liked me(I don't know I someone said that to him or something.)
But then he proceeded to tell me that he really like me. And asked if it was the right thing for him to do for him to back off because if the other guy.
I didn't REALLY answer him cause I didn't really know myself.
So know I'm torn! Between two guys!!
Talk about annoying!!
I wait months and years for a guy to come along, and then TWO come along!!! Lol
God really dosn't want to make life easy for me.
And I know people will say be greatfull for having two nice guys after you! But, remember, I still pretty much completely new to all this! :S
So yeah, I dunno what to do.
I kinda feel myself going more towards the new guy. But that's so unfair on the first guy!!
So I kinda said that I'd go out with him sometime but I didn't specify when.
So I really need to sort this out!!
Arrrgggghhh!!!!
At least I know someone wants to be with me though!!!!! Lol
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Screw this.... 3:40 PM
Screw this shit.....
I've fucking had it.....
The people around me are assholes....
I havnt had any loving physical contact(friendly or intimately) in ages....and I've almost reached breaking point....
I can't deal with the absolute SHIT around me right now...
I want to run away....
Never look back....
Here's a big FUCK YOU to the world!!!
S
I've fucking had it.....
The people around me are assholes....
I havnt had any loving physical contact(friendly or intimately) in ages....and I've almost reached breaking point....
I can't deal with the absolute SHIT around me right now...
I want to run away....
Never look back....
Here's a big FUCK YOU to the world!!!
S
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Life recently...... 12:17 PM
Wow,
Its been ages since I last blogged!
Sorry about that!
I've been really busy with school and such. It's been kinda mental!
But ah well,
I'm here now!
***
Firstly, I'd just like to say a BIG congratulations to Jason on his oh so successful coming out!
I've been keeping up to date with all his blogs and had the pleasure of reading his school essay on coming out. He really is SUCH an inspiration!!
***
Anywhoos,
I had my B2 meeting on Sunday.
It was great! Every week they all seem to be getting better!
I'm much more comfortable talking to people now. I'm starting to have a really good time there. All the initial nerves are almost gone!
There was also this new guy there today. Really cute! He was kinda shy at first but as the day went on his personality started to shine through. He's very funny. I also think he was flirting with me! But I can't be sure. He probaly wasn't, but I still liked his company. Myself, him, and 3 others went to a fish&chips place after the meeting. It was great. I talked to a guy who I never really talked to before. He turned out to be really nice. I kinda thought he was ignoring me at the meetings, but he turned out to have a great personality. He was very funny too! I added him on facebook that day and he accepted earlier today.
I can't wait untill the next meeting! :D
I also think we're going to a at bar this weekend!!
Ive never been to a gaybar before as a gay/bi guy. I've been as a 'straight' guy.
To make a long story short, I went with some straight friends to see two gay friends perform at a gay club. I wasn't out to them yet.
***
Also, I went to the doctors in tuesday.
I sometimes get heart palpitations and Monday was the first time I've gotten them at training. I'd get them just randomly, if I was walking home from school or even watching tv.
Like, they're not rare, but they're not REALLY common either.
My coach told me to go and see my doctor.
I went and my doc said to make an appointment to get some blood tests done. And then he'll send me to a cardiologist.
I'm sure it's nothing, but getting heart parlpitations as oftern as I do is better off getting checked out my coach said.
***
So, yeah,
That's what's been happening recently.
I'm glad I have B2 to keep me sane. I seriously think I'd still be struggling without it.
Anywhoos,
Bye for now!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Its been ages since I last blogged!
Sorry about that!
I've been really busy with school and such. It's been kinda mental!
But ah well,
I'm here now!
***
Firstly, I'd just like to say a BIG congratulations to Jason on his oh so successful coming out!
I've been keeping up to date with all his blogs and had the pleasure of reading his school essay on coming out. He really is SUCH an inspiration!!
***
Anywhoos,
I had my B2 meeting on Sunday.
It was great! Every week they all seem to be getting better!
I'm much more comfortable talking to people now. I'm starting to have a really good time there. All the initial nerves are almost gone!
There was also this new guy there today. Really cute! He was kinda shy at first but as the day went on his personality started to shine through. He's very funny. I also think he was flirting with me! But I can't be sure. He probaly wasn't, but I still liked his company. Myself, him, and 3 others went to a fish&chips place after the meeting. It was great. I talked to a guy who I never really talked to before. He turned out to be really nice. I kinda thought he was ignoring me at the meetings, but he turned out to have a great personality. He was very funny too! I added him on facebook that day and he accepted earlier today.
I can't wait untill the next meeting! :D
I also think we're going to a at bar this weekend!!
Ive never been to a gaybar before as a gay/bi guy. I've been as a 'straight' guy.
To make a long story short, I went with some straight friends to see two gay friends perform at a gay club. I wasn't out to them yet.
***
Also, I went to the doctors in tuesday.
I sometimes get heart palpitations and Monday was the first time I've gotten them at training. I'd get them just randomly, if I was walking home from school or even watching tv.
Like, they're not rare, but they're not REALLY common either.
My coach told me to go and see my doctor.
I went and my doc said to make an appointment to get some blood tests done. And then he'll send me to a cardiologist.
I'm sure it's nothing, but getting heart parlpitations as oftern as I do is better off getting checked out my coach said.
***
So, yeah,
That's what's been happening recently.
I'm glad I have B2 to keep me sane. I seriously think I'd still be struggling without it.
Anywhoos,
Bye for now!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, December 3, 2009
A perfect evening!!...... 3:14 PM
So,
I ended up going to the protest today!
I wasn't actually planning on going, but in school earlier I got a text from one of the facilitators from BeLonGTo asking whether I was interested in actually going into the Dáil(the main government building in Ireland) and watching the debate. I said sure! I'd love to!
I went into town to the B2 offices where about 10 people had come together and had some sandwiches and some drinks.
We then walked down to the Dáil and saw a huge group of people protesting. It was such a great atmosphere! About 6 of us walked through the protest and into the buildings(a B2 facilitator got us access). When we were lining up in the reception we could see and hear a group of women screaming into the government building. Noone could really hear what they were saying but a guy ahead of us in the que said to us "oh religious fundamentalists! They're always entertaining!"
Lmao!!!! I couldn't stop laughing! Haha!
Anywhoos,
The rest joined the protest. It was actually a bit of a thrill being part of the group protesting! I've never been to a protest before!
We watched the debate and things actually seem like they're moving forward for civil marriage. We probably won't have it for another 2 or 3 years but I honestly think well have it soon!
Afterwards, the 6 of us went to get some coffee from Starbucks. It was really nice sitting down talking with them all!
There was a guy with us who I had not met before and he was sooooooooooooooo hot!!! He had a perfect smile! And a great personality! My DREAM guy!!!
Don't have a chance with him, but hey, a guy can dream!! Lol
When we finished our coffees I left for my busstop with two of the girls.
I hadn't really talked to them before. But they were soo nice!
I think I could make great friends with them. I havnt really made any 'friends' yet. But I think these two could be great friends!
I can't wait until Sunday for our next meeting! I'm getting much more comfortable with them all.
Ahhh, what a perfect evening!
Anywhoos, that's my post for today!!
C ya!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I ended up going to the protest today!
I wasn't actually planning on going, but in school earlier I got a text from one of the facilitators from BeLonGTo asking whether I was interested in actually going into the Dáil(the main government building in Ireland) and watching the debate. I said sure! I'd love to!
I went into town to the B2 offices where about 10 people had come together and had some sandwiches and some drinks.
We then walked down to the Dáil and saw a huge group of people protesting. It was such a great atmosphere! About 6 of us walked through the protest and into the buildings(a B2 facilitator got us access). When we were lining up in the reception we could see and hear a group of women screaming into the government building. Noone could really hear what they were saying but a guy ahead of us in the que said to us "oh religious fundamentalists! They're always entertaining!"
Lmao!!!! I couldn't stop laughing! Haha!
Anywhoos,
The rest joined the protest. It was actually a bit of a thrill being part of the group protesting! I've never been to a protest before!
We watched the debate and things actually seem like they're moving forward for civil marriage. We probably won't have it for another 2 or 3 years but I honestly think well have it soon!
Afterwards, the 6 of us went to get some coffee from Starbucks. It was really nice sitting down talking with them all!
There was a guy with us who I had not met before and he was sooooooooooooooo hot!!! He had a perfect smile! And a great personality! My DREAM guy!!!
Don't have a chance with him, but hey, a guy can dream!! Lol
When we finished our coffees I left for my busstop with two of the girls.
I hadn't really talked to them before. But they were soo nice!
I think I could make great friends with them. I havnt really made any 'friends' yet. But I think these two could be great friends!
I can't wait until Sunday for our next meeting! I'm getting much more comfortable with them all.
Ahhh, what a perfect evening!
Anywhoos, that's my post for today!!
C ya!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Brrrrr......... 9:56 AM
Hey guys,
Sorry it's been a while since I last posted, technical problems were to thank for that!!! Grr!
Ah well,
News, news, news.....
Well I had my Xmas exams this week(I know it's not Xmas that's just what they call them).
They went..........pretty awful tbh!! I was completely raped in chemistry, music, physics and applied maths. Yeah, so that's not really gud at all!!
So I need to buckle down for the final exams next year! SERIOUSLY!!!
****
I also went to my BeLonGTo meeting on Sunday.
It went really well. I talked to some new people. They were nice. There are these two guys who are just soooooooooo hot. Like proper hot!! I'm drooling right now as I write about them! Lol
Anyways, this woman came in from a mens health clinic and talked about a new service they provide in the city where any gay man can just call in and get checked out for stds and stuff. They also just hand out condoms. They apparently always leave a box of condoms in the B2 building! When she reminded everyone of this one of the guys(one of the reeeaaallyyy hot ones!) said that they always rip and that they're not strong enough. But he just 'doubles them up' so they don't. Then the worker said that doubling up the condom increases the risk of a condom breaking! There was just silence from everyone and he just said "oh, well that must have been why they broke then" lmao!!!!
***
For the last hour of the meeting we were discussing the 'civil partnership bill' that's going to be debated this week in the government. And we were talking about how it is just not the same as marriage in any way shape or form.
Here are just some of the differences between marriage and a civil partnership:
• The names for a start a different. Why should they be?!?
• A couple in a civil partnership cannot adopt a chid together. And if one of the partners already has a biological child the other partner has no legal premise to adopt it. And the child has no entitlements to inheritance. And if the childs biological parent dies the other partner cannot adopt the child.
Also, if the family of the person with the biological child are not happy with their child being gay they can battle for custody of the child 'just in spite' of the fact that their child is gay!
• The tax benefits you receive are are at most half of what you would receive as a married couple.
The differences go on and on. I might post something about it soon, when I get a chance.
But now we're preparing for the protest that will take place on thursday outside the government buildings in town. I think we're creating a human gay flag with everyone wearing different colours.
So that should be an experience. However I'm not sure whether I should go or not. I'm still not out to 98% of people and I'm worried someone I know will see me at the rally.
I just don't want someone to find out who I don't want to find out, ya know??
Ugh! STRESS!!!!
****
Also, morning Taekwondo training started today. 630-730am!!! I was EXHAUSTED!!!
It was a great wake up for the morning but i could really feel it by lunch time!
****
Anywhoos,
It is FREEZING here in Ireland!!! Literally!!!! The country is flooded and the weather just keeps getting colder.
It's times like these when I'm stressed out with school and coming out and the cold weather when I just wish I had someone to be with, to be warm with, to comfort me.........
......*sigh*.....
I'm cold......
Sxxxxxxxx
Sorry it's been a while since I last posted, technical problems were to thank for that!!! Grr!
Ah well,
News, news, news.....
Well I had my Xmas exams this week(I know it's not Xmas that's just what they call them).
They went..........pretty awful tbh!! I was completely raped in chemistry, music, physics and applied maths. Yeah, so that's not really gud at all!!
So I need to buckle down for the final exams next year! SERIOUSLY!!!
****
I also went to my BeLonGTo meeting on Sunday.
It went really well. I talked to some new people. They were nice. There are these two guys who are just soooooooooo hot. Like proper hot!! I'm drooling right now as I write about them! Lol
Anyways, this woman came in from a mens health clinic and talked about a new service they provide in the city where any gay man can just call in and get checked out for stds and stuff. They also just hand out condoms. They apparently always leave a box of condoms in the B2 building! When she reminded everyone of this one of the guys(one of the reeeaaallyyy hot ones!) said that they always rip and that they're not strong enough. But he just 'doubles them up' so they don't. Then the worker said that doubling up the condom increases the risk of a condom breaking! There was just silence from everyone and he just said "oh, well that must have been why they broke then" lmao!!!!
***
For the last hour of the meeting we were discussing the 'civil partnership bill' that's going to be debated this week in the government. And we were talking about how it is just not the same as marriage in any way shape or form.
Here are just some of the differences between marriage and a civil partnership:
• The names for a start a different. Why should they be?!?
• A couple in a civil partnership cannot adopt a chid together. And if one of the partners already has a biological child the other partner has no legal premise to adopt it. And the child has no entitlements to inheritance. And if the childs biological parent dies the other partner cannot adopt the child.
Also, if the family of the person with the biological child are not happy with their child being gay they can battle for custody of the child 'just in spite' of the fact that their child is gay!
• The tax benefits you receive are are at most half of what you would receive as a married couple.
The differences go on and on. I might post something about it soon, when I get a chance.
But now we're preparing for the protest that will take place on thursday outside the government buildings in town. I think we're creating a human gay flag with everyone wearing different colours.
So that should be an experience. However I'm not sure whether I should go or not. I'm still not out to 98% of people and I'm worried someone I know will see me at the rally.
I just don't want someone to find out who I don't want to find out, ya know??
Ugh! STRESS!!!!
****
Also, morning Taekwondo training started today. 630-730am!!! I was EXHAUSTED!!!
It was a great wake up for the morning but i could really feel it by lunch time!
****
Anywhoos,
It is FREEZING here in Ireland!!! Literally!!!! The country is flooded and the weather just keeps getting colder.
It's times like these when I'm stressed out with school and coming out and the cold weather when I just wish I had someone to be with, to be warm with, to comfort me.........
......*sigh*.....
I'm cold......
Sxxxxxxxx
Sunday, November 22, 2009
A startling day....... 2:15 PM
So,
I went to my BeLonGTo meeting today. I got the bus and had to walk for, like, 20mins in the rain and SERIOUS wind! But I eventually made it!
So I sat down in the little café part of the building. And started talking to a guy I met at the last meeting. So that was nice.
From there I met a youth worker who I hadn't seen before. She was lovely! Very friendly!
And then was introduced to a German guy my age who was really nice 2.
So my hesitancy that I mentioned in my last post didn't seem to be a factor at all.
Then, a girl walked in while I was talking to the German guy. I only noticed and caught a glimpse of her when she walked by and down th stairs. She had dyed red hair and that was very familiar. I kept talking to the German guy and all of a sudden I hear "*Lonelyboy*????"
I looked around it turned out that the girl with the red hair was the same girl from my taekwondo class!!!! I didn't get a good look at her at the start and that's why I didn't realize earlier.
I was gobsmacked! I honestly never expected her to be gay!!!
We started talking and she was saying that she has been going to B2 for a while now.
I was actually really glad I knew her cause that's given me an actual friend I can talk to at the meetings!
I'm so extatic now!!!
Yey!!!
So anyways, at the meeting we had a transexul workshop for th last hour and a half.
They are always having workshops, apparently, on various topics such as transexuality, homosexuality, safe sex, and other stuff.
Tbh, I was quite ignorant to transexuality. I never knew anything about it or what it entailed.
I found out that last Friday was Transexual Memorial Day around the world.
A startling statistic is that almost 200 transexual people have been murdered around the world in the past 12 months! That's such a shocking figure!
Another one is that the average life expectancy of a transexual person is 24!!!! Because of such high suicide rates!
That is extremely sad!!
I learned quite alot today the workshop. And am very glad I met the girl from taekwondo.
Ugh, now I've got to go to bed to get some sleep for my exams tomorrow. :(
I am sooooooo unprepared!!!
Ugh,
Ah well!!
C yas later!!!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I went to my BeLonGTo meeting today. I got the bus and had to walk for, like, 20mins in the rain and SERIOUS wind! But I eventually made it!
So I sat down in the little café part of the building. And started talking to a guy I met at the last meeting. So that was nice.
From there I met a youth worker who I hadn't seen before. She was lovely! Very friendly!
And then was introduced to a German guy my age who was really nice 2.
So my hesitancy that I mentioned in my last post didn't seem to be a factor at all.
Then, a girl walked in while I was talking to the German guy. I only noticed and caught a glimpse of her when she walked by and down th stairs. She had dyed red hair and that was very familiar. I kept talking to the German guy and all of a sudden I hear "*Lonelyboy*????"
I looked around it turned out that the girl with the red hair was the same girl from my taekwondo class!!!! I didn't get a good look at her at the start and that's why I didn't realize earlier.
I was gobsmacked! I honestly never expected her to be gay!!!
We started talking and she was saying that she has been going to B2 for a while now.
I was actually really glad I knew her cause that's given me an actual friend I can talk to at the meetings!
I'm so extatic now!!!
Yey!!!
So anyways, at the meeting we had a transexul workshop for th last hour and a half.
They are always having workshops, apparently, on various topics such as transexuality, homosexuality, safe sex, and other stuff.
Tbh, I was quite ignorant to transexuality. I never knew anything about it or what it entailed.
I found out that last Friday was Transexual Memorial Day around the world.
A startling statistic is that almost 200 transexual people have been murdered around the world in the past 12 months! That's such a shocking figure!
Another one is that the average life expectancy of a transexual person is 24!!!! Because of such high suicide rates!
That is extremely sad!!
I learned quite alot today the workshop. And am very glad I met the girl from taekwondo.
Ugh, now I've got to go to bed to get some sleep for my exams tomorrow. :(
I am sooooooo unprepared!!!
Ugh,
Ah well!!
C yas later!!!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Hesitant, wonderful........... 3:45 PM
So,
I'm lying here in bed. Annoyed at the fact that the videos feature on my iPod isn't working for some reason, and now I can't watch 'xmen origins' in bed. :( it's such a gud movie. I was really looking forward to it!! Grr!!
Ugh,
Ah well,
***
I've got my BeLonGTo meeting later on!
I'm kinda hesitant going now.
Like, I feel awkaward going by myself and therefore feel like I'm intruding or clinging to people when i'm there.
Ugh!!!!! Why can't this just be easy?!?!?!?
***
My November exams started on friday. They were called chrstmas exams but now they've pulled them back slightly.
Anyways, I had maths and french on Friday, and i 'should' be studying for Irish and Applied Maths on Monday. But I'm soooo lazy!! Lol
Instead, I'm going to New Moon tomorrow! I absolutely LOVE the books!! Can't wait!!!!
Oh, also,
When i was studying in the school library on Friday, there were two new German exchange students sitting across from me. They were sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot!!!!!!! One was blonde with just a perfect slim body with clothes that just hung on him perfectly! The other was a classic European hottie! Slim, lockes of brown hair and just a perfect face!
I had to force myself to stop staring at them for fear of being caught! Lol
***
Anywhoos,
Yeah, that's my news for today.
Oh, can I just add that Ethan from ABlackClosetCase one of the nicest people I have ever had the good fortune of talking to. I was emailing him over the weekend and he is just sooo kind and generous!
I can't get over what a fantastic
person he is!!!
*HUGS* to you Ethan!!!!!!!!
Anyways!!
I'm off!
Love you guys!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm lying here in bed. Annoyed at the fact that the videos feature on my iPod isn't working for some reason, and now I can't watch 'xmen origins' in bed. :( it's such a gud movie. I was really looking forward to it!! Grr!!
Ugh,
Ah well,
***
I've got my BeLonGTo meeting later on!
I'm kinda hesitant going now.
Like, I feel awkaward going by myself and therefore feel like I'm intruding or clinging to people when i'm there.
Ugh!!!!! Why can't this just be easy?!?!?!?
***
My November exams started on friday. They were called chrstmas exams but now they've pulled them back slightly.
Anyways, I had maths and french on Friday, and i 'should' be studying for Irish and Applied Maths on Monday. But I'm soooo lazy!! Lol
Instead, I'm going to New Moon tomorrow! I absolutely LOVE the books!! Can't wait!!!!
Oh, also,
When i was studying in the school library on Friday, there were two new German exchange students sitting across from me. They were sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot!!!!!!! One was blonde with just a perfect slim body with clothes that just hung on him perfectly! The other was a classic European hottie! Slim, lockes of brown hair and just a perfect face!
I had to force myself to stop staring at them for fear of being caught! Lol
***
Anywhoos,
Yeah, that's my news for today.
Oh, can I just add that Ethan from ABlackClosetCase one of the nicest people I have ever had the good fortune of talking to. I was emailing him over the weekend and he is just sooo kind and generous!
I can't get over what a fantastic
person he is!!!
*HUGS* to you Ethan!!!!!!!!
Anyways!!
I'm off!
Love you guys!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
My medals!......... 11:20 AM
So,
I arrived back from Cork, from the International Irish Taekwondo Championships late Sunday night. I was sooooooo exhausted! And i still am! All day yesterday I was dozing off in every class in school.
I was exhausted!! :S
Anywhoo, I went down to the champs in the car with my mum at 4am in the morning. We arrived in good time. Didn't get lost too much!
We went into the stadium and met up with the rest of my team. I went and got changed and got registered.
Then I went down to the mats and waited for my patterns section to begin.
I was called up and performed my pattern well, I thought. I got through to the next round and then to the next round. I won that and was into the semi-final! Then halfway through the semi-final the guy who I was up against(we do our own indiviudal patterns next to one another, it's not sparring!) collapsed right next to me. I, not knowing what th hell I was supposed to do, just carried on. That seemed like the right thing to do. Then I hesitated for a second when I saw paramedics rush over! Then I heard my coach yell over to me: "DON'T STOP *lonleyboy*!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KEEP GOING!!!" lol!
So I kept going and finished my pattern and ended up "obviously" winning the semifinal and got into the final(I know the guy fainted and all but I honestly think I woul have beaten him either way. He wasn't the best I've seen). Anyway, I stepped onto the mats for the final and ended up winning that to take a gold medal!!! That's right! National Irish Colourbelt Champion! :D
And when i was being awarded my medal the head judge complimented me on my pattern! I didn't recognize him as i had not met him before but my coach said at the end that he was an Italian master(can't remember his name) who is "top notch"! Lol
So I was quite proud of myself for that.
Then it was on to the sparring. I was called and I beat my first opponent easily. My second opponent was not so easy. He really pushed me hard but in to end I won! The next round was the semifinal where I was up against a much higher belt rank. I went into the ring not expecting to win. I let this attitude get to me and even though halfway through i realized that I could beat him, it was too late. He won. But I came out with a very respectable bronze medal.
Here're the gold an bronze medals:
Also, i thought you guys might like to see the two silver medals I was awarded when I represented Ireland at the European Chanpionships in Croatia over the summer:
So, yeah, a fun weekend! Lol
***
Oh, I think I've found two friends that I can come out to. They're both girls and I didn't realize that they weren't "friends" but they were in fact friends.
So, I hope next time I see them I'll tell them.
I'm pretty sure they'll be ok with it.
In fact, i'm certain of it!
:D
***
Talk to yas later!!!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I arrived back from Cork, from the International Irish Taekwondo Championships late Sunday night. I was sooooooo exhausted! And i still am! All day yesterday I was dozing off in every class in school.
I was exhausted!! :S
Anywhoo, I went down to the champs in the car with my mum at 4am in the morning. We arrived in good time. Didn't get lost too much!
We went into the stadium and met up with the rest of my team. I went and got changed and got registered.
Then I went down to the mats and waited for my patterns section to begin.
I was called up and performed my pattern well, I thought. I got through to the next round and then to the next round. I won that and was into the semi-final! Then halfway through the semi-final the guy who I was up against(we do our own indiviudal patterns next to one another, it's not sparring!) collapsed right next to me. I, not knowing what th hell I was supposed to do, just carried on. That seemed like the right thing to do. Then I hesitated for a second when I saw paramedics rush over! Then I heard my coach yell over to me: "DON'T STOP *lonleyboy*!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KEEP GOING!!!" lol!
So I kept going and finished my pattern and ended up "obviously" winning the semifinal and got into the final(I know the guy fainted and all but I honestly think I woul have beaten him either way. He wasn't the best I've seen). Anyway, I stepped onto the mats for the final and ended up winning that to take a gold medal!!! That's right! National Irish Colourbelt Champion! :D
And when i was being awarded my medal the head judge complimented me on my pattern! I didn't recognize him as i had not met him before but my coach said at the end that he was an Italian master(can't remember his name) who is "top notch"! Lol
So I was quite proud of myself for that.
Then it was on to the sparring. I was called and I beat my first opponent easily. My second opponent was not so easy. He really pushed me hard but in to end I won! The next round was the semifinal where I was up against a much higher belt rank. I went into the ring not expecting to win. I let this attitude get to me and even though halfway through i realized that I could beat him, it was too late. He won. But I came out with a very respectable bronze medal.
Here're the gold an bronze medals:
Also, i thought you guys might like to see the two silver medals I was awarded when I represented Ireland at the European Chanpionships in Croatia over the summer:
So, yeah, a fun weekend! Lol
***
Oh, I think I've found two friends that I can come out to. They're both girls and I didn't realize that they weren't "friends" but they were in fact friends.
So, I hope next time I see them I'll tell them.
I'm pretty sure they'll be ok with it.
In fact, i'm certain of it!
:D
***
Talk to yas later!!!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, November 14, 2009
My weekend..... 7:31 AM
So,
I'm travelling down to Cork tomorrow to compete at the International Irish Taekwondo Championships! It's the best taekwondo tournament in the country and one of the best in Europe! Competitors from all over Ireland compete as well as competitors from England, france, Scotland, Netherlands and Spain!
I can't wait! Last year I won a gold medal in patterns and a silver in sparring. Hoping for a repeat in the patterns and to do well in the sparring cause I want my coach to be proud of me(cheesy I know, but he's one of the guys I most respect and yearn for his approval!).
So I'm kinda nervous. It's sooo nerve-wrecking having your name called and stepping onto the mats in front of a huge stadium!!
The downside is that I miss tomorrow's BeLonGTo meeting!! Grr!! I'm really pissed off about that but the IITCs are pretty important.
Anywhoos, wish me luck with that!! :D
***
I also want to ask you guys a question.
What do you guys think about meeting someone from over the Internet?? Like one of those 'looking for...' websites.
I'm not looking for approval or anything, I don't have any profiles on any of those sites.
But a guy I know did meet his boyfriend on a site called 'gaydar'. I was thinking "can you really find a genuine person on those websites?? Wouldn't you be judged when people ask??
I dunno.
I was never into these things.
Just wanted your guys opinions!
***
I also wanted to say congratulations to Pierre who came out to his mom the other day!!
According to a quick 'tweet' he wrote "it" went ok.
It takes alot of courage to do what he did.
I wish I had that kind of courage..
Looking forward to his next post to find out what happened!
*HUGS!!!*
***
Anywhoos,
Wish me luck tomorrow!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm travelling down to Cork tomorrow to compete at the International Irish Taekwondo Championships! It's the best taekwondo tournament in the country and one of the best in Europe! Competitors from all over Ireland compete as well as competitors from England, france, Scotland, Netherlands and Spain!
I can't wait! Last year I won a gold medal in patterns and a silver in sparring. Hoping for a repeat in the patterns and to do well in the sparring cause I want my coach to be proud of me(cheesy I know, but he's one of the guys I most respect and yearn for his approval!).
So I'm kinda nervous. It's sooo nerve-wrecking having your name called and stepping onto the mats in front of a huge stadium!!
The downside is that I miss tomorrow's BeLonGTo meeting!! Grr!! I'm really pissed off about that but the IITCs are pretty important.
Anywhoos, wish me luck with that!! :D
***
I also want to ask you guys a question.
What do you guys think about meeting someone from over the Internet?? Like one of those 'looking for...' websites.
I'm not looking for approval or anything, I don't have any profiles on any of those sites.
But a guy I know did meet his boyfriend on a site called 'gaydar'. I was thinking "can you really find a genuine person on those websites?? Wouldn't you be judged when people ask??
I dunno.
I was never into these things.
Just wanted your guys opinions!
***
I also wanted to say congratulations to Pierre who came out to his mom the other day!!
According to a quick 'tweet' he wrote "it" went ok.
It takes alot of courage to do what he did.
I wish I had that kind of courage..
Looking forward to his next post to find out what happened!
*HUGS!!!*
***
Anywhoos,
Wish me luck tomorrow!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A setback..... 1:31 PM
Ok,
So, a little bit of a set back in my coming out plans....
I'm watching 'Bones' on tv at the moment and my sister said to my mum that she "dosn't know what's up with Angela. First she was straight, then she was gay, now she's straight again" and then my mum responded by saying "yeah, I can't stand people like that. You either like guys or you like girls".
So I'm sitting here slightly pissed off. That's quite a setback in my plans for coming out to her.
I kinda thought she would be okish with me telling her but now, ugh, there's gonna be much more complications than I thought there would be.
Ugh, this sucks.....
I'm gonna finish watching 'Bones' and then behing to rewrite my plans.....*sigh*....
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
So, a little bit of a set back in my coming out plans....
I'm watching 'Bones' on tv at the moment and my sister said to my mum that she "dosn't know what's up with Angela. First she was straight, then she was gay, now she's straight again" and then my mum responded by saying "yeah, I can't stand people like that. You either like guys or you like girls".
So I'm sitting here slightly pissed off. That's quite a setback in my plans for coming out to her.
I kinda thought she would be okish with me telling her but now, ugh, there's gonna be much more complications than I thought there would be.
Ugh, this sucks.....
I'm gonna finish watching 'Bones' and then behing to rewrite my plans.....*sigh*....
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Monday, November 9, 2009
My guard........ 3:02 PM
So,
Another day gone.....
I've been thinking about my whole 'being bi' situation and going to BeLonGTo and whatnot all day. And I think that going to B2 yesterday has kind of given me that complete acceptance of myself. It's shown me how much of a "normal" life I can lead. It's shown me who are the type of friends i should make, instead of the hypocritical bullshitters i had for friends!
But tbh, along with all this acceptance of myself I think my 'guard' has dropped a bit. The guard I have built for myself over the past 5/6 years has weakened significantly.....after just one day!!!! Argh!!! My full personality is shining through but i don't want it to yet. I'm not ready for everyone to see me yet.
I know i'm fine with my sexuality now but I could never come out to my school! If I were to come out the abuse I would get would never end and I'd end up spiraling into another depression which I'm only pulling myself out of right now! I think after my final exams of this year(the start of summer 2010) I'll be coming out to pretty much everyone. I'll be taking part in next summer's 'Pride parade' with B2 and everything! And I'm looking forward to that!
Just back from taekwondo and I'm shattered! (Was such a tough session today!) But when I was getting changed in the changing rooms I was thinking that I don't think I could really ever come out to my club. It's a place where testosterone rules, and any kind of "weakness" would lessen the respect the group would have for me. And tbh I'm not angry at them for that. It's 'that' type of place and the guard and mask i wear is 'part and parcel' of the sport if you will.
So I think that there are times and situations where it's alright to "lie" about your sexuality. And I know alot of people won't agree with me but unfortunately that's the kind of world we live in at the moment and we have to adapt to what is accepted and what is not(on a small scale level, like in the sports hall).
But then again you could argue the fact that if we don't fight for the small things we won't get anywhere with the big things......
But hey.....I'm just rambling, writing my thoughts down.
Sorry if I'm not being that clear.
Just a few thoughts.......
Anywhoos.......
Talk to yas l8r!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Another day gone.....
I've been thinking about my whole 'being bi' situation and going to BeLonGTo and whatnot all day. And I think that going to B2 yesterday has kind of given me that complete acceptance of myself. It's shown me how much of a "normal" life I can lead. It's shown me who are the type of friends i should make, instead of the hypocritical bullshitters i had for friends!
But tbh, along with all this acceptance of myself I think my 'guard' has dropped a bit. The guard I have built for myself over the past 5/6 years has weakened significantly.....after just one day!!!! Argh!!! My full personality is shining through but i don't want it to yet. I'm not ready for everyone to see me yet.
I know i'm fine with my sexuality now but I could never come out to my school! If I were to come out the abuse I would get would never end and I'd end up spiraling into another depression which I'm only pulling myself out of right now! I think after my final exams of this year(the start of summer 2010) I'll be coming out to pretty much everyone. I'll be taking part in next summer's 'Pride parade' with B2 and everything! And I'm looking forward to that!
Just back from taekwondo and I'm shattered! (Was such a tough session today!) But when I was getting changed in the changing rooms I was thinking that I don't think I could really ever come out to my club. It's a place where testosterone rules, and any kind of "weakness" would lessen the respect the group would have for me. And tbh I'm not angry at them for that. It's 'that' type of place and the guard and mask i wear is 'part and parcel' of the sport if you will.
So I think that there are times and situations where it's alright to "lie" about your sexuality. And I know alot of people won't agree with me but unfortunately that's the kind of world we live in at the moment and we have to adapt to what is accepted and what is not(on a small scale level, like in the sports hall).
But then again you could argue the fact that if we don't fight for the small things we won't get anywhere with the big things......
But hey.....I'm just rambling, writing my thoughts down.
Sorry if I'm not being that clear.
Just a few thoughts.......
Anywhoos.......
Talk to yas l8r!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sunday, November 8, 2009
What a day!!!.......... 1:54 PM
Wow,
What a day??
The group was better than i could have ever suspected!!!!
**
I got on the bus earlier to head into the meeting and I actually felt sick. I honestly thought I was going to chicken out.
I got off the bus and spent like half an hour looking for the building. Luckily I gave myself an hour in anticipation of me getting lost!
But when I did find the BeLonGTo building it was the wrong building! It was their offices rather than their meeting place! But luckily there was a leader their on his way to the meeting. So he brought me to the building. We talked as we walked across the bridge to the other building and he was really nice. That kinda settled my nerves.
We arrived at the building where there were two girls outside talking. They were my age and I found out that they were two young faciltators. The guy I who brought me to the building handed me over to them and they gave me a tour of the building. They were sooo friendly! They talked to me and really made me feel good and not nervous.
I talked to them for a while and met another guy my age(who's also a young facilitator) and he was really nice as well(and really cute!!!!! Lol) and then we went back to the main room where more people had arrived. So I sat down with the two girls and talked with then for a while. Then the 'cute guy' sat down with us for a while as well. He was really nice as well.
Then we all went down to the basement where they went through 'the news' and played an icebreaker game. That was nice. We then went upstairs and we played a table quiz where I met some new people. A guy and a girl both around my age. They were REALLY nice! We came third in the quiz and then they invited me out to have a bite to eat with both of them. We talked for ages. They were people I think that I could be really good friends with.
I had such a good time!
There were three or four people in the group of about 30 who I think were quite annoying and mightn't get along with but sure there are always people like that so that's fine!
It was such a great day and I'm soooo glad I didn't get scared and chicken out!
It was a place where I could totally be myself. Fantastic!!
Can't wait to go back!!
What a fantastically perfect day!!!!
Thanks guys for all of your support!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
What a day??
The group was better than i could have ever suspected!!!!
**
I got on the bus earlier to head into the meeting and I actually felt sick. I honestly thought I was going to chicken out.
I got off the bus and spent like half an hour looking for the building. Luckily I gave myself an hour in anticipation of me getting lost!
But when I did find the BeLonGTo building it was the wrong building! It was their offices rather than their meeting place! But luckily there was a leader their on his way to the meeting. So he brought me to the building. We talked as we walked across the bridge to the other building and he was really nice. That kinda settled my nerves.
We arrived at the building where there were two girls outside talking. They were my age and I found out that they were two young faciltators. The guy I who brought me to the building handed me over to them and they gave me a tour of the building. They were sooo friendly! They talked to me and really made me feel good and not nervous.
I talked to them for a while and met another guy my age(who's also a young facilitator) and he was really nice as well(and really cute!!!!! Lol) and then we went back to the main room where more people had arrived. So I sat down with the two girls and talked with then for a while. Then the 'cute guy' sat down with us for a while as well. He was really nice as well.
Then we all went down to the basement where they went through 'the news' and played an icebreaker game. That was nice. We then went upstairs and we played a table quiz where I met some new people. A guy and a girl both around my age. They were REALLY nice! We came third in the quiz and then they invited me out to have a bite to eat with both of them. We talked for ages. They were people I think that I could be really good friends with.
I had such a good time!
There were three or four people in the group of about 30 who I think were quite annoying and mightn't get along with but sure there are always people like that so that's fine!
It was such a great day and I'm soooo glad I didn't get scared and chicken out!
It was a place where I could totally be myself. Fantastic!!
Can't wait to go back!!
What a fantastically perfect day!!!!
Thanks guys for all of your support!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Here I go....... 5:47 AM
So,
I'm on my way into town to go to the BeLonGTo meeting!!
I seriously see myself chickening out......
Why must I do this?! Why must my life have turned out in such a way where I have to go to this?!
My hands are shaking......
Ugh......wish me luck!!!! :S
Sxxxxxxxxxxxx
I'm on my way into town to go to the BeLonGTo meeting!!
I seriously see myself chickening out......
Why must I do this?! Why must my life have turned out in such a way where I have to go to this?!
My hands are shaking......
Ugh......wish me luck!!!! :S
Sxxxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, November 7, 2009
Nervous, wrecked and emotional......... 11:35 AM
So,
I've got my BeLonGTo meeting tomorrow.....I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nervous!!
Will it be as good as I'm hoping it will be??
Will it help me??
Will there be really nice people there or just a bunch of jackasses???
I'm actually expecting myself to chicken out when I get to the building tomorrow.....ahhhh!!!
PLEASE don't let it be dissappointing!!
Ugh....anyways I'll keep you guys updated with what happens!
****
Anywhoos.....I'm just back from a Taekwondo master class with the one and only Tomaz Barada!! He is AMAZING!!!
He is the Hurcules of the Taekwondo world! He makes everything seem so effortless! Here's a pic of him teaching the juniors today(ps. I'm not a junior therefore NOT in the pic! Lol)........
He does that effortlessly!!!
I learned soo much from him today! I'm COMPLETELY WRECKED!!! My legs and arms are on fire! Maybe a nice long shower might be nice........anywhoo he's running a two day master class in my club ^^, but I could only go today cause of the belongto meeting tomorrow :( ah well!
He is Tomaz Barada... 3 times world Taekwon-Do champion, 6 times European
Taekwon-Do champion, Pro kickboxing world champion, retired 84 fights
- 0 losses...
What more can be said?!
And on top of that he's a REALLY nice guy! Sooo cool!!
He runs a training camp in in the summer in Sardinia(where he's from) so I plan on going there next summer! Hurrah!!
****
On another note,
I've realized that over the past year I've become REALLY emotional!
Like, very small things set me off!
I almost cried during 'Enchanted' when she starts singing in the park ffs!!!! What's up with that!
All stuff like that and more sets me off really easily! Ugh....slightly annoying!! Grr!
Ah well!
****
Yeah, so.....that's today's post over and done with.......let's hope I'll have an interesting(good type of interesting) post after tomorrow!!
Luv yas!!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I've got my BeLonGTo meeting tomorrow.....I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo nervous!!
Will it be as good as I'm hoping it will be??
Will it help me??
Will there be really nice people there or just a bunch of jackasses???
I'm actually expecting myself to chicken out when I get to the building tomorrow.....ahhhh!!!
PLEASE don't let it be dissappointing!!
Ugh....anyways I'll keep you guys updated with what happens!
****
Anywhoos.....I'm just back from a Taekwondo master class with the one and only Tomaz Barada!! He is AMAZING!!!
He is the Hurcules of the Taekwondo world! He makes everything seem so effortless! Here's a pic of him teaching the juniors today(ps. I'm not a junior therefore NOT in the pic! Lol)........
He does that effortlessly!!!
I learned soo much from him today! I'm COMPLETELY WRECKED!!! My legs and arms are on fire! Maybe a nice long shower might be nice........anywhoo he's running a two day master class in my club ^^, but I could only go today cause of the belongto meeting tomorrow :( ah well!
He is Tomaz Barada... 3 times world Taekwon-Do champion, 6 times European
Taekwon-Do champion, Pro kickboxing world champion, retired 84 fights
- 0 losses...
What more can be said?!
And on top of that he's a REALLY nice guy! Sooo cool!!
He runs a training camp in in the summer in Sardinia(where he's from) so I plan on going there next summer! Hurrah!!
****
On another note,
I've realized that over the past year I've become REALLY emotional!
Like, very small things set me off!
I almost cried during 'Enchanted' when she starts singing in the park ffs!!!! What's up with that!
All stuff like that and more sets me off really easily! Ugh....slightly annoying!! Grr!
Ah well!
****
Yeah, so.....that's today's post over and done with.......let's hope I'll have an interesting(good type of interesting) post after tomorrow!!
Luv yas!!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Go AWAY!!!!!......... 10:47 AM
So,
There's this girl I went out with last year for like 4 months. She ended up breaking it off and i was fine with that cause tbh I wasn't to crazy for her and it was quite a boring relationship.
Now since about mid summer she's just been texting me non-stop!
She just won't take a hint!
I DO NOT want to get back with her for a number of reasons:
1. She's sooo boring!
2. She's sooo clingy!
3. I'm not particularly fond of her!
4. I want a GUY at the moment! Lol!
I keep dropping hints that i'm just not interested but she's either clueless or just ignoring them!
I can't really tell her I'm into guys at the moment cause she'll just get upset and tell her friends and they'll tell their friends and eventually it'll make it's way back to my school which I DON'T want!(yes, she's that type of girl).
And I don't particularly want to tell her out straight that I'm not interested cause shes very sensitive and gets upset really easily! Grr!!
So......my plan: find and bf and say to her I've met someone and she'll give up on me!!
......................
.......lol.....easier said than done!!!! Haha!!
S xxxx
There's this girl I went out with last year for like 4 months. She ended up breaking it off and i was fine with that cause tbh I wasn't to crazy for her and it was quite a boring relationship.
Now since about mid summer she's just been texting me non-stop!
She just won't take a hint!
I DO NOT want to get back with her for a number of reasons:
1. She's sooo boring!
2. She's sooo clingy!
3. I'm not particularly fond of her!
4. I want a GUY at the moment! Lol!
I keep dropping hints that i'm just not interested but she's either clueless or just ignoring them!
I can't really tell her I'm into guys at the moment cause she'll just get upset and tell her friends and they'll tell their friends and eventually it'll make it's way back to my school which I DON'T want!(yes, she's that type of girl).
And I don't particularly want to tell her out straight that I'm not interested cause shes very sensitive and gets upset really easily! Grr!!
So......my plan: find and bf and say to her I've met someone and she'll give up on me!!
......................
.......lol.....easier said than done!!!! Haha!!
S xxxx
Monday, November 2, 2009
One nervous phonecall......... 9:41 AM
So,
I just rang BeLonGTo an asked them about their groups.
I was SOO nervous! My hands were shaking and my throat was completely dry!
And that's only a phonecall!!!!
I dunno how I'm gonna cope with the actual group! I'll probably faint as I walk in the door!!!
They meet on Mondays from 3-6pm in town.
The guy on the phone sounded really friendly, so that was kinda reassuring.
Ahh I'm soooo nervous!!!! And I have to wait 6DAYS!!!! 6 days of nervousness!!!
That's also 6 days where I won't have anything else on my mind and I won't get any homework done!!!!
Ugh........why has this gotta be so hard?!
But I'm glad I'm finally doing something!!
:D
Sxxxxxx
I just rang BeLonGTo an asked them about their groups.
I was SOO nervous! My hands were shaking and my throat was completely dry!
And that's only a phonecall!!!!
I dunno how I'm gonna cope with the actual group! I'll probably faint as I walk in the door!!!
They meet on Mondays from 3-6pm in town.
The guy on the phone sounded really friendly, so that was kinda reassuring.
Ahh I'm soooo nervous!!!! And I have to wait 6DAYS!!!! 6 days of nervousness!!!
That's also 6 days where I won't have anything else on my mind and I won't get any homework done!!!!
Ugh........why has this gotta be so hard?!
But I'm glad I'm finally doing something!!
:D
Sxxxxxx
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Picking up the pieces............... 10:56 AM
So guys,
I think I'm starting to pick up the pieces of my recent mental/emotional breakdown.
Dont get me wrong I still can't particularly see anything good in my life but I think I know that 'giving up' isn't really the answer yet.
I spent ALL of last night thinking/crying in town.
Last night was my school's pre-debs(sort of a pre-prom, for all you Americans out there).
It was just an excuse really for everyone to go out drinking.
I know I said that I would never go down THAT path again but tbh I couldn't have cared less at that point.
I went into the club/bar and practically everyone was there. Everyone was saying hi and shaking hands to me whn I arrived and started walking round, and that made me think......how can they be SO twofaced?! How cab they stand there and smile at me after all they'd put me through?!
I looked at all of the people from my year with their friends and girlfriends and just couldn't take anymore...
I bought two shots, downed them, and bought a small bottle of whiskey and left the bar to go and sit down somewhere in the city(it was about midnight at this stage).
I ended up sitting down on the steps of a building in some backroaded area in town with my whiskey bottle in my hand.
It was a coldish night and I kinda wished I would just fall asleep as I drink the whiskey bottle and never wake up.
I opened the bottle of whiskey and raised it to my lips but honestly couldn't take a drink. I started to cry as I let the bottle fall from my hands onto the side of the road.
I asked my self how this all happened?
If I was 'straight' this wouldn't have happened! If I was 'straight 'I wouldn't have spent the last 6years of my life struggling with my feelings!!
If I was 'straight' I wouldn't think about 'him' eveyday.
Maybe if I was 'straight' i would be a stronger person mentally, emotionally and physically?
I'd have friends.
I'd have a family I could relate and talk to.
I spent a few hours just crying and blameing myself.
Blaming others.
Blaming my parents for making me think I was worth something.
I thought about 'him' for a while.......well, maybe not a while.......alot!
But I think I've figured out why I was so hung up on him.
I'm just jealous of him.
Insanely jealous of him actually.
He has come out with little or no problems. And if he dd have problems then he had friends to help him through it. He actually had a boyfriend at that stage to help him. He had/has someone to hold him when sad and someone to congratulate him when needed.
(not to mention the fact that he's a musical genius who can do things I can only dream of!)
I pretty much figured all this out in the cold last night over a few hours. Getting home at around 6.
It kinda shows you just how important friendship is.
My "bestfriend" is no more. I've decided that he is not my friend.
He has no respect for me and is a selfproclaimed homophobe, which wouldn't be the best thing if I were to have come out to him(which I very nearly did!).
I need friends.
I know you guys are here for me, but as I said in my previous post I need something tangible!
So,
I remembered this youth group that meets in the city for young LGBTs. A guy told me about it on msn. He said that he used to go there and it was pretty good.
I know it's kind of a wierd choice of place to make friends. But tbh I don't think I have any other choice. The group is called BelongTo(http://www.belongto.org/).
I might ring them up and see what they're about. See if it's a possibility. Cause I think I just someone to really talk to ya know??
So yeah,
This should be the beginning of the end for 'him' and for my lonliness. If not, and I'm too shy/scared to go in.......in terrified of what I'll do......
****
Let me just thank you ALL for your supportive comments.
Thanks as well to Ethan, Pierre and Pilgrim for mentioning me your posts!!! Made me cry a little again...
Anywhoo....
I'll keep you guys posted on the BelongTo front.....
Thanks again!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I think I'm starting to pick up the pieces of my recent mental/emotional breakdown.
Dont get me wrong I still can't particularly see anything good in my life but I think I know that 'giving up' isn't really the answer yet.
I spent ALL of last night thinking/crying in town.
Last night was my school's pre-debs(sort of a pre-prom, for all you Americans out there).
It was just an excuse really for everyone to go out drinking.
I know I said that I would never go down THAT path again but tbh I couldn't have cared less at that point.
I went into the club/bar and practically everyone was there. Everyone was saying hi and shaking hands to me whn I arrived and started walking round, and that made me think......how can they be SO twofaced?! How cab they stand there and smile at me after all they'd put me through?!
I looked at all of the people from my year with their friends and girlfriends and just couldn't take anymore...
I bought two shots, downed them, and bought a small bottle of whiskey and left the bar to go and sit down somewhere in the city(it was about midnight at this stage).
I ended up sitting down on the steps of a building in some backroaded area in town with my whiskey bottle in my hand.
It was a coldish night and I kinda wished I would just fall asleep as I drink the whiskey bottle and never wake up.
I opened the bottle of whiskey and raised it to my lips but honestly couldn't take a drink. I started to cry as I let the bottle fall from my hands onto the side of the road.
I asked my self how this all happened?
If I was 'straight' this wouldn't have happened! If I was 'straight 'I wouldn't have spent the last 6years of my life struggling with my feelings!!
If I was 'straight' I wouldn't think about 'him' eveyday.
Maybe if I was 'straight' i would be a stronger person mentally, emotionally and physically?
I'd have friends.
I'd have a family I could relate and talk to.
I spent a few hours just crying and blameing myself.
Blaming others.
Blaming my parents for making me think I was worth something.
I thought about 'him' for a while.......well, maybe not a while.......alot!
But I think I've figured out why I was so hung up on him.
I'm just jealous of him.
Insanely jealous of him actually.
He has come out with little or no problems. And if he dd have problems then he had friends to help him through it. He actually had a boyfriend at that stage to help him. He had/has someone to hold him when sad and someone to congratulate him when needed.
(not to mention the fact that he's a musical genius who can do things I can only dream of!)
I pretty much figured all this out in the cold last night over a few hours. Getting home at around 6.
It kinda shows you just how important friendship is.
My "bestfriend" is no more. I've decided that he is not my friend.
He has no respect for me and is a selfproclaimed homophobe, which wouldn't be the best thing if I were to have come out to him(which I very nearly did!).
I need friends.
I know you guys are here for me, but as I said in my previous post I need something tangible!
So,
I remembered this youth group that meets in the city for young LGBTs. A guy told me about it on msn. He said that he used to go there and it was pretty good.
I know it's kind of a wierd choice of place to make friends. But tbh I don't think I have any other choice. The group is called BelongTo(http://www.belongto.org/).
I might ring them up and see what they're about. See if it's a possibility. Cause I think I just someone to really talk to ya know??
So yeah,
This should be the beginning of the end for 'him' and for my lonliness. If not, and I'm too shy/scared to go in.......in terrified of what I'll do......
****
Let me just thank you ALL for your supportive comments.
Thanks as well to Ethan, Pierre and Pilgrim for mentioning me your posts!!! Made me cry a little again...
Anywhoo....
I'll keep you guys posted on the BelongTo front.....
Thanks again!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Friday, October 30, 2009
......forget it... 4:52 PM
I suppose I should thank you guys for all the comments...
But I still don't like my life.
The fact that NOTHING goes right in my life is why I think there is no point in my life.
The fact that noone cares for me is the reason why I think there's no point(I know you guys say that you support me, but tbh that dosn't help me. You're not HERE. I need something tangible to hold on to. Someone to actually listen to).
That never happens and does not seem very likely to happen...
So,
I think I'll just give up now......
S
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
What's the point??..... 11:51 AM
What's the point of living???
Like, what's it all leading up to?
I've just realized that there is NOT ONE aspect of my life that I like.
My family don't like me. Neither do my "friends".
I'm an idiot, therefore no guy or girls would ever even consider me on looks never mind personality!
I'm bisexual, as if I didn't have enough things to deal with.
'He' hates me.
I'm ugly.
I'm not good at anything I do.
The people in theatre just 'put up' with me rather than befriend me. I can't sing or act(what I thought I loved doing).
My coach, the person I have so much respect for, dosn't like me.
I'm not going to achieve anything in life............
So what's the point???
S
Like, what's it all leading up to?
I've just realized that there is NOT ONE aspect of my life that I like.
My family don't like me. Neither do my "friends".
I'm an idiot, therefore no guy or girls would ever even consider me on looks never mind personality!
I'm bisexual, as if I didn't have enough things to deal with.
'He' hates me.
I'm ugly.
I'm not good at anything I do.
The people in theatre just 'put up' with me rather than befriend me. I can't sing or act(what I thought I loved doing).
My coach, the person I have so much respect for, dosn't like me.
I'm not going to achieve anything in life............
So what's the point???
S
Monday, October 26, 2009
A good mood...... 4:12 PM
So,
I'm now in a good mood! For once!
And it's all because of a young guy in Paris! I thank him sooo much! Becase he got me out of my little "depression" that I've kinda been going through for the past few days!
And I'm also glad that I got to know you a little today!!
Don't really have much else to blog about. Should have something to post during the week!
Chat 2 yaz!!!!!
S xxxxxxxxx
I'm now in a good mood! For once!
And it's all because of a young guy in Paris! I thank him sooo much! Becase he got me out of my little "depression" that I've kinda been going through for the past few days!
And I'm also glad that I got to know you a little today!!
Don't really have much else to blog about. Should have something to post during the week!
Chat 2 yaz!!!!!
S xxxxxxxxx
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Giving up...... 12:08 PM
Why does he hate me?
I'm his son.
Why does he treat me different to the others?
I'm his son.
I look at my friends and envy them when they talk with theirs.
That's why I can never tell him.
Because it's so bad now I can't imagine what I will be like afterwards.
I'm giving up........
S
I'm his son.
Why does he treat me different to the others?
I'm his son.
I look at my friends and envy them when they talk with theirs.
That's why I can never tell him.
Because it's so bad now I can't imagine what I will be like afterwards.
I'm giving up........
S
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Prayers for Bobby, and a Taekwondo night out....... 5:14 PM
So,
I watched "Prayers for Bobby" earlier today. An amazing film! Sooo sad. Tears were constantly running down my face for 45mins straight!
I think the film really hit the right notes on what young gay people go though, and the IGNORANCE of some people in society.
I found it so very touching when near the end the family of Bobby were all wearing matching t-shirts and marching in the parade together.
That's how all families should be regardless if sexuality.
The way the mum reacts when she has an argument with Bobby over his sexuality is exactly the fear I have of my parents. I don't want to leave my family to live my life how I want. But 99% of the time it seems like the only way.
If you havnt seen this film WATCH IT!!!! You won't regret it!
***
Anywhoos,
I went to the Emerald Cup tornament this evening because my friend in my taekwondo class made the Irish senior team a few weeks ago and this was his first tournament. So I thought that I would go and support him.
The tournament consisted of both a mens and womens team from Ireland, England and the USA.
When I first arrived I sat down with my instructor in the audience and awaited teams entrance. Ireland came in first with my friend in the middle looking kinda anxious. England followed and then the USA.
There was the cutest boy from England with short cropped brown hair and a perfectly toned body from the English team. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him! However, another guy from the US did catch my eye and came in at a close second on the 'smexy-scale'!
Irish lads not so much, Lol!!!!
Anyway, I found out a few things tonight.
1. The USA TKD team are REALLY WOEFUL!!! Lol (no offence any Americans out there!)
2. There are actually only two proper Irish guys on the Irish tkd team! Lmao!
3. I REALLY want one of those GIANT trophies when I hit blackbelt next summer!!!! They're sooooo cool!
***
Also, I want to say congrats to Ben(http://ben-gaymid-schooler.blogspot.com) who was elected Homecoming prince!! And was also successful in getting more than enough signatures for a petition his principal made him do to bring a boy with him to homecoming!!! (prick!)
So congrats to you Ben!!
Also, I want to congratulate Jason(http://carwinscloset.blogspot.com) who came out to his parents last week!!! I know I'm a bit late with the congrats but hey, better late than never huh?!
But seriously, I am proud of you man! It must take serious guts to do what you did! I wish I had your strength! Well done!
***
So yeah,
That's been my day.
I'm on my mid-term break now so that means no school for 9days!!!! Hurrah!!!!
It'll be nice to have a break...
I think I'll be seeing 'him' again this Friday. Ugh! I don't wanna!!!!!
Ah well, I've made it this far without whining so I won't start boring yas!!!
I think I'll go to bed now.
Haircut tomoz!!!!!! Yey!!!
Nitey nite!!!!
Sxxxxxx
I watched "Prayers for Bobby" earlier today. An amazing film! Sooo sad. Tears were constantly running down my face for 45mins straight!
I think the film really hit the right notes on what young gay people go though, and the IGNORANCE of some people in society.
I found it so very touching when near the end the family of Bobby were all wearing matching t-shirts and marching in the parade together.
That's how all families should be regardless if sexuality.
The way the mum reacts when she has an argument with Bobby over his sexuality is exactly the fear I have of my parents. I don't want to leave my family to live my life how I want. But 99% of the time it seems like the only way.
If you havnt seen this film WATCH IT!!!! You won't regret it!
***
Anywhoos,
I went to the Emerald Cup tornament this evening because my friend in my taekwondo class made the Irish senior team a few weeks ago and this was his first tournament. So I thought that I would go and support him.
The tournament consisted of both a mens and womens team from Ireland, England and the USA.
When I first arrived I sat down with my instructor in the audience and awaited teams entrance. Ireland came in first with my friend in the middle looking kinda anxious. England followed and then the USA.
There was the cutest boy from England with short cropped brown hair and a perfectly toned body from the English team. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him! However, another guy from the US did catch my eye and came in at a close second on the 'smexy-scale'!
Irish lads not so much, Lol!!!!
Anyway, I found out a few things tonight.
1. The USA TKD team are REALLY WOEFUL!!! Lol (no offence any Americans out there!)
2. There are actually only two proper Irish guys on the Irish tkd team! Lmao!
3. I REALLY want one of those GIANT trophies when I hit blackbelt next summer!!!! They're sooooo cool!
***
Also, I want to say congrats to Ben(http://ben-gaymid-schooler.blogspot.com) who was elected Homecoming prince!! And was also successful in getting more than enough signatures for a petition his principal made him do to bring a boy with him to homecoming!!! (prick!)
So congrats to you Ben!!
Also, I want to congratulate Jason(http://carwinscloset.blogspot.com) who came out to his parents last week!!! I know I'm a bit late with the congrats but hey, better late than never huh?!
But seriously, I am proud of you man! It must take serious guts to do what you did! I wish I had your strength! Well done!
***
So yeah,
That's been my day.
I'm on my mid-term break now so that means no school for 9days!!!! Hurrah!!!!
It'll be nice to have a break...
I think I'll be seeing 'him' again this Friday. Ugh! I don't wanna!!!!!
Ah well, I've made it this far without whining so I won't start boring yas!!!
I think I'll go to bed now.
Haircut tomoz!!!!!! Yey!!!
Nitey nite!!!!
Sxxxxxx
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Worthless........ 2:48 PM
So,
I've just got back from a vigil in my school church. A student in 3rd year has cancer in the liver and badly needs a transplant. He's travelled to England and is now waiting for a donar.
When I planned to go to the vigil
I thought there would only be a few people there. I was wrong. The church was packed out the door. And it's a big church for a school! It was sooo touching seeing everyone united supporting the student. We're a small enough school so everyone kinda knows each other, and not everyone is catholic or a particularly devout catholic. I'm not a catholic either(not aethist either, just have my own views and believe in god). But EVERYONE crowded into the church while the very beautiful vigil was held. Everyone stood when they were supposed to. Everyone knelt when they were supposed to.
I think seeing that was the proudest moment I've had in my school(and I'm not particularly fond of my school).
Halfway through the vigil I realized that no kid should be going through this. He's 14! He's right now reading a book FULL of comments from EVERY student in the school wishing him well, but he's still frail and bed bound.
He dosn't deserve to be there. He is a good kid.
Why do these things happen to the good guys instead I the bad ones?? He always was good in school and got good grades. It's just not fair.
I felt sick as I sat there realizing that I deserved to be there more than him.
I've lied, cheated, stolen, bitched, fought.
He didn't.
If I could switch places with him I would. I don't even know him really. But I know enough to know that he shouldn't be there.
His life is worth a damn sight more than mine,
Who decides that he should still be exposed to this?!
Again,
It's just a fucked up world I guess......
Sxx
S xxxx
I've just got back from a vigil in my school church. A student in 3rd year has cancer in the liver and badly needs a transplant. He's travelled to England and is now waiting for a donar.
When I planned to go to the vigil
I thought there would only be a few people there. I was wrong. The church was packed out the door. And it's a big church for a school! It was sooo touching seeing everyone united supporting the student. We're a small enough school so everyone kinda knows each other, and not everyone is catholic or a particularly devout catholic. I'm not a catholic either(not aethist either, just have my own views and believe in god). But EVERYONE crowded into the church while the very beautiful vigil was held. Everyone stood when they were supposed to. Everyone knelt when they were supposed to.
I think seeing that was the proudest moment I've had in my school(and I'm not particularly fond of my school).
Halfway through the vigil I realized that no kid should be going through this. He's 14! He's right now reading a book FULL of comments from EVERY student in the school wishing him well, but he's still frail and bed bound.
He dosn't deserve to be there. He is a good kid.
Why do these things happen to the good guys instead I the bad ones?? He always was good in school and got good grades. It's just not fair.
I felt sick as I sat there realizing that I deserved to be there more than him.
I've lied, cheated, stolen, bitched, fought.
He didn't.
If I could switch places with him I would. I don't even know him really. But I know enough to know that he shouldn't be there.
His life is worth a damn sight more than mine,
Who decides that he should still be exposed to this?!
Again,
It's just a fucked up world I guess......
Sxx
S xxxx
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Twitter, Exhaustion Cheryl Cole :) and Whitney Houston :(.................... 1:17 PM
Soooo,
Its been a kind of long week.
On Monday I had a maths exam for which I was completely unprepared for because I left my books in school over the weekend and couldn't study at all!!! Grr! So needless to say that didn't go so well!
And to make it worse I had parent-teacher meetings the next day(these are meetings where the parents come into the school and talk individually about the student). So they got my maths result(a D!). They weren't so pleased with that(I'm normally an A/B maths student).
Ah well!
**
I got Twitter by the end of the week as well!!!
I thought it might be a nice addition to my blog.
So add me on Twitter if you have it!!
My username is: Lonely18boy.
**
I spent some time last night on msn talking to Diz from Lovelessinmexico but I fell asleep!! So I'd like to apologize to him!! I was so tired and I fell asleep with my ipod in my hand and when I woke up my battery was dead! :(
SORRY!!!!!
**
Anyways......I'm watching the X-Factor right now(English version of American Pop Idol). Its very good. Leona Lewis came from it.
There's this guy called Lloyd Daniels. He's 16 from Wales and sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hot!!!
Here's a pic!
Isn't he just..........................AHHH...............soooooo cute!!!
And he's got a lovely voice as well! I get goosebumps just looking at him!
Also on the X-Factor, Cheryl Cole from 'Girls Aloud' performed her first solo song to the audience in what I have to say was an AMAZING performance! She sang it live which there was a bit of doubt about. But it was amazing!! She had an BRILLIANT dance routine with the performance!
And, did I mention that she was lookin' HAWT!!!! lol!
Here's a video of the performance and tell me what ya think!!!
Amazing huh!?! I LOVED the dancing!!!
Also on the show was Whitney Houston! She was terribly disappointing! she barely sung at all. And at the end when she was talking to Dermott the presenter, she was soooo fake and she was a bit of a bitch really!
Here's her video. Tell me what ya think!
She's lost her thang!
Anywhoos.......
Add me on Twitter and tell me what you though of the performances.
**
Ugh...........school tomorrow! And I've got NONE of my homework done! lol!
Ah well, better get to it.....
Love yas!
Sxxx
Saturday, October 17, 2009
65 questions of dissatisfaction............ 10:08 AM
So,
I found this Questionnaire on Ben's, Mirrorboy's, and Octavius' blogs and I thought, meh, what the heck! I might as well do this.......
We'll see at the the end of this whether or not this was a COMPLETE waste of my time......
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair, takes AGES! grr, too thick...
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Black/grey with white and orange bits
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Not really.............wow, I havn't kissed anyone in a while!! that's depressing....:(
4. Do you plan outfits every day?
Not really. I just grab something. I plan what I wear if I'm going out somewhere nice the next day.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Kinda lonely....
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Packet of Walker crisps
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Havn't had a dream in a while......but the last one i remember was me going on stage but forgetting absolutely EVERYTHING that I had to do. Lines, where to go ect.......
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
nope
9. What are you craving right now?
a nice curry......mmmm
10. Do you floss?
nope
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
a head of cabbage...
12. Are you emotional?
Worryingly so.....
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
lol, yeah, sure...
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lick :P
15. Do you like your hair?
NO!
16. Do you like yourself?
not really...
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
Yes.......but only to kill him.......well, maybe not kill, that's not me.................maybe just badly hurt??
18. What are you listening to right now?
Justin Timberlake - "Future Sex Love Sounds"
19. Are your parents strict?
God yeah :(
20. Would you go sky diving?
I REALLY want to!!! Just need to save up!! :D
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Bleugh!
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yeah, a few big authors (Anthony Horowitz, JK Rowling). I've also met Des Bishop(Big Irish comedian).
23. Do you rent movies often?
Nah, not really...
.24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
My 'dressy' scarf hanging from my closet door...
25. How many countries have you visited?
8-9, something like that...
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Lol, when I was younger....
27. Ever been on a train?
Yeah
28. Brown or white eggs?
White! If I had a brown egg served to me I don't think I'd be eating it?!
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Of course!
30. Do you use chap stick?
Yeah, bit I should use it a bit more often....
31. Do you own a gun?
Lol! No! Kinda illegal! (That's not to say that I'd get one if it were legal though! I hate them!)
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yeah. But they're kinda annoying.....
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Myself :(
34. Are you too forgiving?
No
35. Ever been in love?
I am in love.......it sucks......:(
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
I don't know. I dont really have a 'best' friend anymore....
37. Ever have cream puffs?
What are cream puffs???
38. Last time you cried?
Yesterday. Almost did today.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"What are cream puffs???"
40. Favorite time of the year?
Summer!!
41. Do you have any tattoos?
Wouldn't really want one....
42. Are you sarcastic?
Of course not!!! *sarcasm*
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Nope. I've always wanted to see it though.
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Lol!.....*sigh*.....yeah...
45. Favorite color?
Red/Blue/Pink/White/Grey..............ugh....I dunno
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Lmao! Yeah.
47. Is your hair curly?
Nope
48. What was the last CD you bought?
wow....that was a while ago.....eh......FooFighters _ 'echoes silence patience & grace'
49. Do looks matter?
Not really, as long as they have a good personality. I'd always go for the cutie first though. I think we're all a bit shallow on the inside right?? lol
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
No
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Don't think so....
52. Do you like your life right now?
Nope...
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No. Don't have one in my room.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Sure. Sometimes....ikd
55. Do you have good vision?
Nope. Short-sighted. Have glasses which I have to where when i'm in class, watching tv, at the cinema. I hate them...
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Alot more that 3 people...
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Few times a week? I'm more of a texter.
58. The last person you held hands with?
'Him'. But that wasn't really even holding hands. He just grabbed my hand when we were mess-acting out a scene from a show we were doing......I don't think I've really held anyone's hand in a LONG time......depressing....:(
59. What are you wearing?
Blue jeans, white v-neck, my hoodie(see Q2), and my necklace
60.What is your favorite animal?
Dog
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Got it from google???
62. Can you hula hoop?
Yep!!
63. Do you have a job?
Nah, I'm a student
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
An orange powerade from the shops a few hours ago...
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Lmao!!!! Yeah.......heheh
Yeah..........this was a complete wast of time!
I feel completely unsatisfied!!!!!! lol!!!
Sxxx
I found this Questionnaire on Ben's, Mirrorboy's, and Octavius' blogs and I thought, meh, what the heck! I might as well do this.......
We'll see at the the end of this whether or not this was a COMPLETE waste of my time......
1. First thing you wash in the shower?
My hair, takes AGES! grr, too thick...
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
Black/grey with white and orange bits
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Not really.............wow, I havn't kissed anyone in a while!! that's depressing....:(
4. Do you plan outfits every day?
Not really. I just grab something. I plan what I wear if I'm going out somewhere nice the next day.
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Kinda lonely....
6. What’s the closest thing to you that's red?
Packet of Walker crisps
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
Havn't had a dream in a while......but the last one i remember was me going on stage but forgetting absolutely EVERYTHING that I had to do. Lines, where to go ect.......
8. Did you meet anybody new today?
nope
9. What are you craving right now?
a nice curry......mmmm
10. Do you floss?
nope
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
a head of cabbage...
12. Are you emotional?
Worryingly so.....
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
lol, yeah, sure...
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lick :P
15. Do you like your hair?
NO!
16. Do you like yourself?
not really...
17. Would you go out to eat with George Bush?
Yes.......but only to kill him.......well, maybe not kill, that's not me.................maybe just badly hurt??
18. What are you listening to right now?
Justin Timberlake - "Future Sex Love Sounds"
19. Are your parents strict?
God yeah :(
20. Would you go sky diving?
I REALLY want to!!! Just need to save up!! :D
21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Bleugh!
22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
Yeah, a few big authors (Anthony Horowitz, JK Rowling). I've also met Des Bishop(Big Irish comedian).
23. Do you rent movies often?
Nah, not really...
.24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?
My 'dressy' scarf hanging from my closet door...
25. How many countries have you visited?
8-9, something like that...
26. Have you made a prank phone call?
Lol, when I was younger....
27. Ever been on a train?
Yeah
28. Brown or white eggs?
White! If I had a brown egg served to me I don't think I'd be eating it?!
29. Do you have a cell-phone?
Of course!
30. Do you use chap stick?
Yeah, bit I should use it a bit more often....
31. Do you own a gun?
Lol! No! Kinda illegal! (That's not to say that I'd get one if it were legal though! I hate them!)
32. Can you use chop sticks?
Yeah. But they're kinda annoying.....
33. Who are you going to be with tonight?
Myself :(
34. Are you too forgiving?
No
35. Ever been in love?
I am in love.......it sucks......:(
36. What is your best friend(s) doing tomorrow?
I don't know. I dont really have a 'best' friend anymore....
37. Ever have cream puffs?
What are cream puffs???
38. Last time you cried?
Yesterday. Almost did today.
39. What was the last question you asked?
"What are cream puffs???"
40. Favorite time of the year?
Summer!!
41. Do you have any tattoos?
Wouldn't really want one....
42. Are you sarcastic?
Of course not!!! *sarcasm*
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
Nope. I've always wanted to see it though.
44. Ever walked into a wall?
Lol!.....*sigh*.....yeah...
45. Favorite color?
Red/Blue/Pink/White/Grey..............ugh....I dunno
46. Have you ever slapped someone?
Lmao! Yeah.
47. Is your hair curly?
Nope
48. What was the last CD you bought?
wow....that was a while ago.....eh......FooFighters _ 'echoes silence patience & grace'
49. Do looks matter?
Not really, as long as they have a good personality. I'd always go for the cutie first though. I think we're all a bit shallow on the inside right?? lol
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
No
51. Is your phone bill sky high?
Don't think so....
52. Do you like your life right now?
Nope...
53. Do you sleep with the TV on?
No. Don't have one in my room.
54. Can you handle the truth?
Sure. Sometimes....ikd
55. Do you have good vision?
Nope. Short-sighted. Have glasses which I have to where when i'm in class, watching tv, at the cinema. I hate them...
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
Alot more that 3 people...
57. How often do you talk on the phone?
Few times a week? I'm more of a texter.
58. The last person you held hands with?
'Him'. But that wasn't really even holding hands. He just grabbed my hand when we were mess-acting out a scene from a show we were doing......I don't think I've really held anyone's hand in a LONG time......depressing....:(
59. What are you wearing?
Blue jeans, white v-neck, my hoodie(see Q2), and my necklace
60.What is your favorite animal?
Dog
61. Where was your default picture taken at?
Got it from google???
62. Can you hula hoop?
Yep!!
63. Do you have a job?
Nah, I'm a student
64. What was the most recent thing you bought?
An orange powerade from the shops a few hours ago...
65. Have you ever crawled through a window?
Lmao!!!! Yeah.......heheh
Yeah..........this was a complete wast of time!
I feel completely unsatisfied!!!!!! lol!!!
Sxxx
Friday, October 16, 2009
Twitter!!! 9:02 AM
So,
Just a quick post to say that I got twitter!!! Everyone seems to have it and I thought it might be a nice addition to my blog.
So, yeah. Add me on it if you have it!!!
I'll post a proper post later on tonight!!!
Sxxx
Just a quick post to say that I got twitter!!! Everyone seems to have it and I thought it might be a nice addition to my blog.
So, yeah. Add me on it if you have it!!!
I'll post a proper post later on tonight!!!
Sxxx
Monday, October 12, 2009
Obama's LGBT Speech.......... 2:44 PM
So,
I was watching the news earlier and Obama's speech was being repeated. I hadn't known anything about this and I paused to watch it.
I really loved this speech.
I really feel like Obama's going to change things for the better. And I'm Irish!!!
Except for that whole Nobel Peace prize thingy! He even knew himself that he didn't really do anything to deserve it! lol!
Maybe in a year or two, yeah, then he would have deserved it; but he hasn't really done anything at the moment!
Meh, I happy for him nonetheless......
Anywhoos,
Here are some parts of his speech:
"This story, this fight continue now. And I’m here with a simple message: I’m here with you in that fight. (Applause.) For even as we face extraordinary challenges as a nation, we cannot — and we will not — put aside issues of basic equality. I greatly appreciate the support I’ve received from many in this room. I also appreciate that many of you don’t believe progress has come fast enough. I want to be honest about that, because it’s important to be honest among friends.
I really thought that he hit home with the last bit about the young man struggling to fall asleep. When he read that I thought about myself and how I feel exactly like that every night. I know many other bloggers feel like this as well and thats why I feel we should all look at this speech. I think that we'll all remember this speech for a REALLY long time.
Can you imagine if McCain was elected?! No speech even touching on these details would have ever been made. Palin!? lol
Can you imagine Bush making a speech like this!? Nope.
Anywhoos,
Just liked this speech and thought that I'd post something about it!
Sxxxx
I was watching the news earlier and Obama's speech was being repeated. I hadn't known anything about this and I paused to watch it.
I really loved this speech.
I really feel like Obama's going to change things for the better. And I'm Irish!!!
Except for that whole Nobel Peace prize thingy! He even knew himself that he didn't really do anything to deserve it! lol!
Maybe in a year or two, yeah, then he would have deserved it; but he hasn't really done anything at the moment!
Meh, I happy for him nonetheless......
Anywhoos,
Here are some parts of his speech:
"This story, this fight continue now. And I’m here with a simple message: I’m here with you in that fight. (Applause.) For even as we face extraordinary challenges as a nation, we cannot — and we will not — put aside issues of basic equality. I greatly appreciate the support I’ve received from many in this room. I also appreciate that many of you don’t believe progress has come fast enough. I want to be honest about that, because it’s important to be honest among friends.
Now, I’ve said this before, I’ll repeat it again — it’s not for me to tell you to be patient, any more than it was for others to counsel patience to African Americans petitioning for equal rights half a century ago. (Applause.) But I will say this: We have made progress and we will make more. And I think it’s important to remember that there is not a single issue that my administration deals with on a daily basis that does not touch on the lives of the LGBT community. (Applause.) We all have a stake in reviving this economy. We all have a stake in putting people back to work. We all have a stake in improving our schools and achieving quality, affordable health care. We all have a stake in meeting the difficult challenges we face in Iraq and Afghanistan. (Applause.)
For while some may wish to define you solely by your sexual orientation or gender identity alone, you know — and I know — that none of us wants to be defined by just one part of what makes us whole. (Applause.) You’re also parents worried about your children’s futures. You’re spouses who fear that you or the person you love will lose a job. You’re workers worried about the rising cost of health insurance. You’re soldiers. You are neighbors. You are friends. And, most importantly, you are Americans who care deeply about this country and its future. (Applause.)
.................
My expectation is that when you look back on these years, you will see a time in which we put a stop to discrimination against gays and lesbians — whether in the office or on the battlefield. (Applause.) You will see a time in which we as a nation finally recognize relationships between two men or two women as just as real and admirable as relationships between a man and a woman. (Applause.) You will see a nation that’s valuing and cherishing these families as we build a more perfect union — a union in which gay Americans are an important part. I am committed to these goals. And my administration will continue fighting to achieve them.
...................
And that is why — that’s why I support ensuring that committed gay couples have the same rights and responsibilities afforded to any married couple in this country. (Applause.) I believe strongly in stopping laws designed to take rights away and passing laws that extend equal rights to gay couples. I’ve required all agencies in the federal government to extend as many federal benefits as possible to LGBT families as the current law allows. And I’ve called on Congress to repeal the so-called Defense of Marriage Act and to pass the Domestic Partners Benefits and Obligations Act. (Applause.) And we must all stand together against divisive and deceptive efforts to feed people’s lingering fears for political and ideological gain.
For the struggle waged by the Human Rights Campaign is about more than any policy we can enshrine into law. It’s about our capacity to love and commit to one another. It’s about whether or not we value as a society that love and commitment. It’s about our common humanity and our willingness to walk in someone else’s shoes: to imagine losing a job not because of your performance at work but because of your relationship at home; to imagine worrying about a spouse in the hospital, with the added fear that you’ll have to produce a legal document just to comfort the person you love — (applause) — to imagine the pain of losing a partner of decades and then discovering that the law treats you like a stranger. (Applause.)
.................
That’s the story of America: of ordinary citizens organizing, agitating and advocating for change; of hope stronger than hate; of love more powerful than any insult or injury; of Americans fighting to build for themselves and their families a nation in which no one is a second-class citizen, in which no one is denied their basic rights, in which all of us are free to live and love as we see fit. (Applause.)
This is the bit I love!............
Tonight, somewhere in America, a young person, let’s say a young man, will struggle to fall to sleep, wrestling alone with a secret he’s held as long as he can remember. Soon, perhaps, he will decide it’s time to let that secret out. What happens next depends on him, his family, as well as his friends and his teachers and his community. But it also depends on us — on the kind of society we engender, the kind of future we build.
I believe the future is bright for that young person. For while there will be setbacks and bumps along the road, the truth is that our common ideals are a force far stronger than any division that some might sow. These ideals, when voiced by generations of citizens, are what made it possible for me to stand here today. (Applause.) These ideals are what made it possible for the people in this room to live freely and openly when for most of history that would have been inconceivable. That’s the promise of America, HRC. That’s the promise we’re called to fulfill. (Applause.) Day by day, law by law, changing mind by mind, that is the promise we are fulfilling."
***
I really thought that he hit home with the last bit about the young man struggling to fall asleep. When he read that I thought about myself and how I feel exactly like that every night. I know many other bloggers feel like this as well and thats why I feel we should all look at this speech. I think that we'll all remember this speech for a REALLY long time.
Can you imagine if McCain was elected?! No speech even touching on these details would have ever been made. Palin!? lol
Can you imagine Bush making a speech like this!? Nope.
Anywhoos,
Just liked this speech and thought that I'd post something about it!
Sxxxx
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Carmen...... 4:32 PM
So,
I've just come back from the opera Carmen and I can say it was AMAZING!!!
It was ALL through french which was kinda annoying at times but I could follow the basic stuff pretty well. The music was WOW!! Orchestra was WOW!!!
Cast was WOW!
I went cause I know alot of the cast from shows I've done in the past.
What I didn't realize was 'he' was in the cast aswell.....
I couldn't keep my eyes off him. Anytime he'd come on stage I just followed him everywhere on stage(he was in the chorus). He looked so cute.
After the show ended I went back to the bar and met a bunch of people I know from different shows and such. It was great to meet up with them all again.
Started talking with a girl from th show who I know pretty well. She's sooooooo nice! And really beautiful!! Lol
Anyways, we were talking about what songs i'll be singing for my leaving cert(final exams, SATs, ect). She was always interested in my music and was always advising me on what to do. We'd always chat on facebook.
So she helped me pick another piece to sing for my exams. It's a piece from Mozart's 'Magic Flute'. I had considered it before, but it's REALLY difficult! Lol But she said I'm capable and I trust her. She'd tell me it I couldn't do it.
Then..........
'He' came into the bar. He came up behind me and said "hey (lonelyboy)"
I replied by saying hey. I was actually kinda happy he actually came up and said hi.
But then he just started talking to the others around me. It was like he was ignoring me or something.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I need to make more of an effort to talk to him instead if expecting him to start up conversation.
I dunno. I kept catching myself staring at him. Then he'd look at me and our eyes would meet for 2-3 secs and I'd break it out of embarrasment. Lol
I said goodbye to everyone and left cause I've got school tomorrow :(
I walked through town back to the bus stop but I couldn't stop thinking about 'him'. I HATE the fact that he has this kind of effect on me!
I thought I was on the road to getting over him, but after seeing him tonight I realize that I've made little to no progress at all!!
This sucks......
Ugh.....
At least it was a good show.....
Sxxx
S xxxx
I've just come back from the opera Carmen and I can say it was AMAZING!!!
It was ALL through french which was kinda annoying at times but I could follow the basic stuff pretty well. The music was WOW!! Orchestra was WOW!!!
Cast was WOW!
I went cause I know alot of the cast from shows I've done in the past.
What I didn't realize was 'he' was in the cast aswell.....
I couldn't keep my eyes off him. Anytime he'd come on stage I just followed him everywhere on stage(he was in the chorus). He looked so cute.
After the show ended I went back to the bar and met a bunch of people I know from different shows and such. It was great to meet up with them all again.
Started talking with a girl from th show who I know pretty well. She's sooooooo nice! And really beautiful!! Lol
Anyways, we were talking about what songs i'll be singing for my leaving cert(final exams, SATs, ect). She was always interested in my music and was always advising me on what to do. We'd always chat on facebook.
So she helped me pick another piece to sing for my exams. It's a piece from Mozart's 'Magic Flute'. I had considered it before, but it's REALLY difficult! Lol But she said I'm capable and I trust her. She'd tell me it I couldn't do it.
Then..........
'He' came into the bar. He came up behind me and said "hey (lonelyboy)"
I replied by saying hey. I was actually kinda happy he actually came up and said hi.
But then he just started talking to the others around me. It was like he was ignoring me or something.
Maybe it's me. Maybe I need to make more of an effort to talk to him instead if expecting him to start up conversation.
I dunno. I kept catching myself staring at him. Then he'd look at me and our eyes would meet for 2-3 secs and I'd break it out of embarrasment. Lol
I said goodbye to everyone and left cause I've got school tomorrow :(
I walked through town back to the bus stop but I couldn't stop thinking about 'him'. I HATE the fact that he has this kind of effect on me!
I thought I was on the road to getting over him, but after seeing him tonight I realize that I've made little to no progress at all!!
This sucks......
Ugh.....
At least it was a good show.....
Sxxx
S xxxx
Friday, October 9, 2009
My attempted coming out........ 5:57 PM
So,
My day started pretty well. Got my chemistry exam back with an A grade, found €50, and had a relativley good day at school.
I was invited to my friend's 18th party today(the same friend that helped me out when I was drunk last week.....see last post).
So I had that planned for my night out.
But about an hour before the party my dad called me into the kitchen to talk to me about a porn DVD he found in my room!!!! EMBARRASING!!!!!!
But like why would he confront me about it. Either put it back or throw it away, but don't confront me about i!! Lol show a bit of discretion for a teenger!!! Lol. It was a straight porn DVD as i'm bi. Obviously I denied it was mine! Lol So he dropped that subject and went on to the next. He said he found websites on the computer(the ones I forgot to delete!) and they were gay websites! CRINGE!!
I think I had always planned on trying to come out to him(even though he's the most homophobic person ever!) if he ever caught me with any gay material. But then he started saying that he needs to be sure that I am carrying the family name with respect; and that what the guys on the websites do on those websites is ABNORMAL!!!! So, in a panic, I denied that they were mine and that the history is just from stupid popups from viruses and stuff....I didn't particularly want that moment to be the moment he disowns me! So I denied and denied....
So he dropped that subject and I left the room to get ready for the party. I guess that's kind if closed the door on me NEVER coming out to my father!!!
I got changed and went to the party. It was a nice party. Just chillaxed in his garden with his friends. He had some really nice friends. There was a REALLY hot dirty-blond guy my age with the most perfect torso. And not a bad ass to round it off!! He was so cute!!! I couldn't keep my eyes off him!! Lol
Anyways, eventually I left with my 'bestfriend'. I was walking along the footpath with him and I realized that this was the perfect time to come out to him.
I started to ease us onto the topic by telling him about this gay guy I know who's my age....he laughs when I say the guy is gay.....I asked him why he laughed. He just said that he was a homophobe. Shit.
I asked him what's wrong with being gay and he just gave the usual shit about if two men were supposed to be together then we'd have vaginas. Bollox talk.
I asked "what if I were gay? Would you still be my friend?"
He replied by saying that "yeah I would be but I would treat you differently". So that was an obvious no to my qustion then!
I felt sick. I was counting on him to be then one to stick by me for sure when I was to come out. Tears started to build. Luckily we had come to our estates and we parted ways.
So I sit here. Writing this post after being COMPLETLY put down by my father(but, to be honest, I expected it from him), and my best friend(the one person I was counting on!).
I can't believe this. Tears on running down my face now as I think about my future and how will others react in my life, and how I'll be who I want to be when I'm older.
Fucked up world.............
Sxx
My day started pretty well. Got my chemistry exam back with an A grade, found €50, and had a relativley good day at school.
I was invited to my friend's 18th party today(the same friend that helped me out when I was drunk last week.....see last post).
So I had that planned for my night out.
But about an hour before the party my dad called me into the kitchen to talk to me about a porn DVD he found in my room!!!! EMBARRASING!!!!!!
But like why would he confront me about it. Either put it back or throw it away, but don't confront me about i!! Lol show a bit of discretion for a teenger!!! Lol. It was a straight porn DVD as i'm bi. Obviously I denied it was mine! Lol So he dropped that subject and went on to the next. He said he found websites on the computer(the ones I forgot to delete!) and they were gay websites! CRINGE!!
I think I had always planned on trying to come out to him(even though he's the most homophobic person ever!) if he ever caught me with any gay material. But then he started saying that he needs to be sure that I am carrying the family name with respect; and that what the guys on the websites do on those websites is ABNORMAL!!!! So, in a panic, I denied that they were mine and that the history is just from stupid popups from viruses and stuff....I didn't particularly want that moment to be the moment he disowns me! So I denied and denied....
So he dropped that subject and I left the room to get ready for the party. I guess that's kind if closed the door on me NEVER coming out to my father!!!
I got changed and went to the party. It was a nice party. Just chillaxed in his garden with his friends. He had some really nice friends. There was a REALLY hot dirty-blond guy my age with the most perfect torso. And not a bad ass to round it off!! He was so cute!!! I couldn't keep my eyes off him!! Lol
Anyways, eventually I left with my 'bestfriend'. I was walking along the footpath with him and I realized that this was the perfect time to come out to him.
I started to ease us onto the topic by telling him about this gay guy I know who's my age....he laughs when I say the guy is gay.....I asked him why he laughed. He just said that he was a homophobe. Shit.
I asked him what's wrong with being gay and he just gave the usual shit about if two men were supposed to be together then we'd have vaginas. Bollox talk.
I asked "what if I were gay? Would you still be my friend?"
He replied by saying that "yeah I would be but I would treat you differently". So that was an obvious no to my qustion then!
I felt sick. I was counting on him to be then one to stick by me for sure when I was to come out. Tears started to build. Luckily we had come to our estates and we parted ways.
So I sit here. Writing this post after being COMPLETLY put down by my father(but, to be honest, I expected it from him), and my best friend(the one person I was counting on!).
I can't believe this. Tears on running down my face now as I think about my future and how will others react in my life, and how I'll be who I want to be when I'm older.
Fucked up world.............
Sxx
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A new leaf..... 1:44 PM
Ok, before you start to read this post I really want you not to judge me and not stop reading my blog when you read this post.........
I went to my "friend's" 18th birthday party last night.
I went out with the intention of getting drunk.
I know it was recommended in a previous post that I shouldn't but, to be honest, things just keep getting worse in my life and I really just wanted to forget for a while.
Ok, I've been drunk before. But never REALLY bad.
Yesterday was REALLY bad. I ended up getting lead out the back by security because I started to get sick. I was getting sick at the side of the road for god only knows how long. A young couple were walking by and they stopped to see if I was alright. They stayed with me rubbing my back as a puked my ring up.
They rang my friends with my phone after I managed to spit up a name for them to call.
My "friends" arrived and helped me up. Three out of the four of them left but one of them stayed with me. He was my BEST friend since I was like 5, up until we went to different high schools.
But he was there last night and stayed with me when I was at my worst. He brought me back to his place and let me sleep in the spare bed.
It is EXTREMELY comforting to know that the friendship we had those years ago is still there.
I will always be sooo grateful to him for being there for me last night.
I have now made a promise to myself to NEVER let myself go back to that place.
No more drink. I will not let anyone affect me like they have ever again.
I actually have tears in my eyes as I write this post.
I'm turning over a new leaf.......
I'm starting a new life.....
I'm actually a little scared right now...........
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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I went to my "friend's" 18th birthday party last night.
I went out with the intention of getting drunk.
I know it was recommended in a previous post that I shouldn't but, to be honest, things just keep getting worse in my life and I really just wanted to forget for a while.
Ok, I've been drunk before. But never REALLY bad.
Yesterday was REALLY bad. I ended up getting lead out the back by security because I started to get sick. I was getting sick at the side of the road for god only knows how long. A young couple were walking by and they stopped to see if I was alright. They stayed with me rubbing my back as a puked my ring up.
They rang my friends with my phone after I managed to spit up a name for them to call.
My "friends" arrived and helped me up. Three out of the four of them left but one of them stayed with me. He was my BEST friend since I was like 5, up until we went to different high schools.
But he was there last night and stayed with me when I was at my worst. He brought me back to his place and let me sleep in the spare bed.
It is EXTREMELY comforting to know that the friendship we had those years ago is still there.
I will always be sooo grateful to him for being there for me last night.
I have now made a promise to myself to NEVER let myself go back to that place.
No more drink. I will not let anyone affect me like they have ever again.
I actually have tears in my eyes as I write this post.
I'm turning over a new leaf.......
I'm starting a new life.....
I'm actually a little scared right now...........
S xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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Saturday, October 3, 2009
Ugh.....a girl 6:45 AM
So, I'm on my way to a date!
Catch: it's with a girl! Ugh!
She asked me if I wanted to meet up today and I said "eh, sure".
I don't know why I did. I think I have a problem saying "no".
Yeah, I need to fix that.
Like, she's good looking and all. And we've known each other for a while. But at the moment I think I'm partial to guys. I want a strong guy to comfort me at this stage of my life. I don't want to be the strong one in the relationship at the mo. That's not selfish of me or anything, I'm just in 'that' kind of place ya know.
Ugh! I'm kinda dreading this.
I think I'll just say later on that I think we shud just be friends.
"it's not you, it's me".....yadda yadda ect ect.....
That's just the way my life goes I guess......
S xxxx
Catch: it's with a girl! Ugh!
She asked me if I wanted to meet up today and I said "eh, sure".
I don't know why I did. I think I have a problem saying "no".
Yeah, I need to fix that.
Like, she's good looking and all. And we've known each other for a while. But at the moment I think I'm partial to guys. I want a strong guy to comfort me at this stage of my life. I don't want to be the strong one in the relationship at the mo. That's not selfish of me or anything, I'm just in 'that' kind of place ya know.
Ugh! I'm kinda dreading this.
I think I'll just say later on that I think we shud just be friends.
"it's not you, it's me".....yadda yadda ect ect.....
That's just the way my life goes I guess......
S xxxx
Coooool!!!!! 3:59 AM
I found an application in the istore for blogger!!!! Whoop!! Posts ALL the time now!!! Lol!!!
S xxxx
S xxxx
Friday, October 2, 2009
Justin Timberlake!!!!!.......... 2:24 PM
So.....
I was on the bus on my way into town today and I turned on my ipod.
I was flicking through the songs deciding what to listen to and I was looking for something kinda relaxing to listen to. I went through the A's and B's and came to Justin Timberlake. I pretty much went by him but caught myself thinking something like "Ah, that's my sister's", "That's not what I listen to", "I don't want to be caught listening to that". But then I thought to myself, 'Why!?" I've pretty much accepted your sexuality. Why should I listen to all the preconceived notions that have been hammered into my head over the years at school??
There shouldn't be anything that I shouldn't listen to because they might be considered 'gay' to listen to!
So I put on JT and I found my new favorite artist!!
I had about 3 albums on my ipod because my sister and I share our itunes.
I listened to ALL of the songs while I was in town! I was wowed! I love him now! He's also REALLY cute judging by his album covers!! lol!
I really hope he plays in Ireland soon!!!!
S xxxx
I was on the bus on my way into town today and I turned on my ipod.
I was flicking through the songs deciding what to listen to and I was looking for something kinda relaxing to listen to. I went through the A's and B's and came to Justin Timberlake. I pretty much went by him but caught myself thinking something like "Ah, that's my sister's", "That's not what I listen to", "I don't want to be caught listening to that". But then I thought to myself, 'Why!?" I've pretty much accepted your sexuality. Why should I listen to all the preconceived notions that have been hammered into my head over the years at school??
There shouldn't be anything that I shouldn't listen to because they might be considered 'gay' to listen to!
So I put on JT and I found my new favorite artist!!
I had about 3 albums on my ipod because my sister and I share our itunes.
I listened to ALL of the songs while I was in town! I was wowed! I love him now! He's also REALLY cute judging by his album covers!! lol!
I really hope he plays in Ireland soon!!!!
S xxxx
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Getting over 'him'...... 11:05 AM
Ok.....
I decided something while walking home from school today...
I'm getting over 'him', even if it's gonna kill me!
I mean, there's just no point in crying over him. He's taken and there's nothing I can do about it.
Maybe, one day, he'll be single again and maybe, maybe, something might happen(I wish), but until that time I'm going to get on with my life.
Look for other guys. Get on with my life.
Finally!
This is a step forward,
And it's such a relief!!!
S xxxxxxx
I decided something while walking home from school today...
I'm getting over 'him', even if it's gonna kill me!
I mean, there's just no point in crying over him. He's taken and there's nothing I can do about it.
Maybe, one day, he'll be single again and maybe, maybe, something might happen(I wish), but until that time I'm going to get on with my life.
Look for other guys. Get on with my life.
Finally!
This is a step forward,
And it's such a relief!!!
S xxxxxxx
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
How come it's so hard to find a nice guy??????.............. 12:29 PM
Ugh oh........I've just swallowed the pip of a plum as I was logging-in to blogger!
Does this mean a plum tree will start growing in my stomach!?!?!?
does it???
DOES IT!?!??!
lol
Anywhoos.....
I've been invited to my "friend"'s party on Saturday. It's in town and alot of people I REALLY don't like will be there.
But,
a really good friend I haven't seen in ages is going to be there and I really want to see him. Ugh! I really don't have the best of luck do I???
I've also got a need to get kinda drunk. Ya know? Forget everything for a few hours?
I know it's a really bad way of drinking but, to be honest, I don't really care at this stage of my life.......... :'(
**
I really need to cheer up. If not, I'm not going to do well in my final exams! Like, I can already feel myself slipping academically. Not doing homework. Not studying for exams...
I really just want to find a nice guy to be with.
Just to be there when I need him.
To love me.
Why is it so hard to find a nice one?????
Ugh.....I'm depressing myself talking like this..
I'm probably depressing you guys as well,
I think I'll leave you guys alone now...
S xx
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Training, late night msn, and homework........:'( 6:06 AM
......uuuggghhh! The pain......THE PAIN!!!!
Just back from training and my legs........MY LEGS!!!!
They're cramping every which way!
Talk about a tough training session!
Was not expecting that when I woke up this morning! :(
Ugh, I guess it'll be worth it though in the end......that is, of course, if my legs don't literally fall off before hand!!!!
***
Had a nice night last night.
Watched 'Almost Famous' in bed. Posting the last post got me in the mood to see it again.
Huddled up under the covers in bed with some popcorn watching 'Russell Hammond' from still water jump of a roof crying "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!" and "I'M ON DRUGS!". Lol!!!
Afterwards I ended up staying up until talking to people on msn! I was not expecting to stay up so late.
Was talking to Fer from A maudlin story of a bisexual boy for a while. Hadn't spoken to him in ages!
So that was nice to catch up!
I was also talking to memyselfndmyhand from over at http://memyselfndmyhand.blogspot.com/. He turned out to be a really nice guy. He's also from Ireland so it was nice to talk to someone in my own time-zone........not that it mattered considering I was up till 330-400!! lol!
***
I'm now attempting to write an english essay that was due in last Wednesday, a maths assignment that was due in on Thursday; on top of the homework that I've been given this weekend! ugh.......i really do hate school. Can't wait for college.....
Ugh! And I've just realized that I haven't practiced any piano or voice for the past 3 days!!
I really need to get my act together!! :'(
.......I guess it's not really helping things by me spending my already negative time on this thing!
Ah well.....
S xx
Just back from training and my legs........MY LEGS!!!!
They're cramping every which way!
Talk about a tough training session!
Was not expecting that when I woke up this morning! :(
Ugh, I guess it'll be worth it though in the end......that is, of course, if my legs don't literally fall off before hand!!!!
***
Had a nice night last night.
Watched 'Almost Famous' in bed. Posting the last post got me in the mood to see it again.
Huddled up under the covers in bed with some popcorn watching 'Russell Hammond' from still water jump of a roof crying "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!" and "I'M ON DRUGS!". Lol!!!
Afterwards I ended up staying up until talking to people on msn! I was not expecting to stay up so late.
Was talking to Fer from A maudlin story of a bisexual boy for a while. Hadn't spoken to him in ages!
So that was nice to catch up!
I was also talking to memyselfndmyhand from over at http://memyselfndmyhand.blogspot.com/. He turned out to be a really nice guy. He's also from Ireland so it was nice to talk to someone in my own time-zone........not that it mattered considering I was up till 330-400!! lol!
***
I'm now attempting to write an english essay that was due in last Wednesday, a maths assignment that was due in on Thursday; on top of the homework that I've been given this weekend! ugh.......i really do hate school. Can't wait for college.....
Ugh! And I've just realized that I haven't practiced any piano or voice for the past 3 days!!
I really need to get my act together!! :'(
.......I guess it's not really helping things by me spending my already negative time on this thing!
Ah well.....
S xx
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The game....... 1:16 PM
Hey guys,
Fer from over at The maudlin story of a bisexual boy was talking to me on msn earlier and told me to play this game.
He's got it done on his page as well.
It's a nice little game!
Here are the rules:
The rules: Answer a series of questions and find a picture to represent each question, then create a picture mosaic on this site. Make the mosaic 4 columns by 3 rows. The questions are:
grr....damn formatting!!!!
Fer from over at The maudlin story of a bisexual boy was talking to me on msn earlier and told me to play this game.
He's got it done on his page as well.
It's a nice little game!
Here are the rules:
The rules: Answer a series of questions and find a picture to represent each question, then create a picture mosaic on this site. Make the mosaic 4 columns by 3 rows. The questions are:
1. Where are you from? (You can choose to answer with your country, state/province, or city.)
2. What's your favorite food?
3. What's your favorite drink?
4. What's your ideal/favorite (future) job/career?
5. What's your favorite thing about yourself?
6. What's the place you most want to visit?
7. What's your favorite body feature on someone else?
8. What's your favorite movie?
9. What's your favorite TV show?
10. Choose one word that best describes you.
11. What time period would you most like to have lived in (in the past)?
12. What's the next thing you're (probably . . .) going to purchase?
2. What's your favorite food?
3. What's your favorite drink?
4. What's your ideal/favorite (future) job/career?
5. What's your favorite thing about yourself?
6. What's the place you most want to visit?
7. What's your favorite body feature on someone else?
8. What's your favorite movie?
9. What's your favorite TV show?
10. Choose one word that best describes you.
11. What time period would you most like to have lived in (in the past)?
12. What's the next thing you're (probably . . .) going to purchase?
Here are my answers:
1. Dublin, Ireland
2. Rice. I LOVE rice!!!
3. Powerade. I go through at least 10 a week!
4. I would LOVE to act on stage for the rest of my life. There's something about it that is just so relaxing. So fun!
5. I have my own unique style. Of everything. I don't conform to any stereotype.
6. I have always wanted to visit Australia.........someday.......
7. Face. If someone has a cute face and a good personality that's all I need! lol
8. My favorite movie is 'Almost Famous'. I don't really know why. There's something about it that's just so.....BRILLIANT!
9. I love Smallville! It's one of the best shows out there at the mo! I'm really excited about the 9th season!
10. Actor. This word describes my life. I wake up every morning and put on a mask. This summer was the first summer in a VERY long time when I didn't have to wear it. Partly thanks to 'him'.....
11. The 70's. I think it's the influence of the film Almost Famous. It just seems like it was a really cool era!
12. I'm gonna be buying some tickets to a show that a friend of mine is in. Can't wait!
So, yeah. They're my answers!
Play the game!
It kinda got me a little out of my bad mood....
grr....damn formatting!!!!
S xx
