My attempted coming out........

So,

My day started pretty well. Got my chemistry exam back with an A grade, found €50, and had a relativley good day at school.

I was invited to my friend's 18th party today(the same friend that helped me out when I was drunk last week.....see last post).
So I had that planned for my night out.
But about an hour before the party my dad called me into the kitchen to talk to me about a porn DVD he found in my room!!!! EMBARRASING!!!!!!
But like why would he confront me about it. Either put it back or throw it away, but don't confront me about i!! Lol show a bit of discretion for a teenger!!! Lol. It was a straight porn DVD as i'm bi. Obviously I denied it was mine! Lol So he dropped that subject and went on to the next. He said he found websites on the computer(the ones I forgot to delete!) and they were gay websites! CRINGE!!
I think I had always planned on trying to come out to him(even though he's the most homophobic person ever!) if he ever caught me with any gay material. But then he started saying that he needs to be sure that I am carrying the family name with respect; and that what the guys on the websites do on those websites is ABNORMAL!!!! So, in a panic, I denied that they were mine and that the history is just from stupid popups from viruses and stuff....I didn't particularly want that moment to be the moment he disowns me! So I denied and denied....
So he dropped that subject and I left the room to get ready for the party. I guess that's kind if closed the door on me NEVER coming out to my father!!!

I got changed and went to the party. It was a nice party. Just chillaxed in his garden with his friends. He had some really nice friends. There was a REALLY hot dirty-blond guy my age with the most perfect torso. And not a bad ass to round it off!! He was so cute!!! I couldn't keep my eyes off him!! Lol

Anyways, eventually I left with my 'bestfriend'. I was walking along the footpath with him and I realized that this was the perfect time to come out to him.
I started to ease us onto the topic by telling him about this gay guy I know who's my age....he laughs when I say the guy is gay.....I asked him why he laughed. He just said that he was a homophobe. Shit.
I asked him what's wrong with being gay and he just gave the usual shit about if two men were supposed to be together then we'd have vaginas. Bollox talk.
I asked "what if I were gay? Would you still be my friend?"
He replied by saying that "yeah I would be but I would treat you differently". So that was an obvious no to my qustion then!
I felt sick. I was counting on him to be then one to stick by me for sure when I was to come out. Tears started to build. Luckily we had come to our estates and we parted ways.

So I sit here. Writing this post after being COMPLETLY put down by my father(but, to be honest, I expected it from him), and my best friend(the one person I was counting on!).

I can't believe this. Tears on running down my face now as I think about my future and how will others react in my life, and how I'll be who I want to be when I'm older.



Fucked up world.............

Sxx