How come it's so hard to find a nice guy??????.............. 12:29 PM

Ugh oh........I've just swallowed the pip of a plum as I was logging-in to blogger!

Does this mean a plum tree will start growing in my stomach!?!?!? 

does it???

DOES IT!?!??!

lol

Anywhoos.....

I've been invited to my "friend"'s party on Saturday. It's in town and alot of people I REALLY don't like will be there. 

But,

a really good friend I haven't seen  in ages is going to be there and I really want to see him. Ugh! I really don't have the best of luck do I???

I've also got a need to get kinda drunk. Ya know? Forget everything for a few hours? 

I know it's a really bad way of drinking but, to be honest, I don't really care at this stage of my life.......... :'(

**

I really need to cheer up. If not, I'm not going to do well in my final exams! Like, I can already feel myself slipping academically. Not doing homework. Not studying for exams...

I really just want to find a nice guy to be with. 

Just to be there when I need him. 

To love me.

Why is it so hard to find a nice one?????

Ugh.....I'm depressing myself talking like this..

I'm probably depressing you guys as well,

I think I'll leave you guys alone now...

S xx

Training, late night msn, and homework........:'( 6:06 AM

......uuuggghhh! The pain......THE PAIN!!!!

Just back from training and my legs........MY LEGS!!!!
They're cramping every which way!
Talk about a tough training session!
Was not expecting that when I woke up this morning! :(

Ugh, I guess it'll be worth it though in the end......that is, of course, if my legs don't literally fall off before hand!!!!


***

Had a nice night last night.
Watched 'Almost Famous' in bed. Posting the last post got me in the mood to see it again.
Huddled up under the covers in bed with some popcorn watching 'Russell Hammond' from still water jump of a roof crying "I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!!" and "I'M ON DRUGS!". Lol!!!

Afterwards I ended up staying up until talking to people on msn! I was not expecting to stay up so late.
Was talking to Fer from A maudlin story of a bisexual boy for a while. Hadn't spoken to him in ages!
So that was nice to catch up!
I was also talking to memyselfndmyhand from over at http://memyselfndmyhand.blogspot.com/. He turned out to be a really nice guy. He's also from Ireland so it was nice to talk to someone in my own time-zone........not that it mattered considering I was up till 330-400!! lol!

***

I'm now attempting to write an english essay that was due in last Wednesday, a maths assignment that was due in on Thursday; on top of the homework that I've been given this weekend! ugh.......i really do hate school. Can't wait for college.....

Ugh! And I've just realized that I haven't practiced any piano or voice for the past 3 days!!
I really need to get my act together!! :'(

.......I guess it's not really helping things by me spending my already negative time on this thing!


Ah well.....


S xx

The game....... 1:16 PM

Hey guys,


Fer from over at The maudlin story of a bisexual boy was talking to me on msn earlier and told me to play this game.
He's got it done on his page as well.
It's a nice little game!


Here are the rules:


The rules: Answer a series of questions and find a picture to represent each question, then create a picture mosaic on this site. Make the mosaic 4 columns by 3 rows. The questions are:

1. Where are you from? (You can choose to answer with your country, state/province, or city.)
2. What's your favorite food?
3. What's your favorite drink?
4. What's your ideal/favorite (future) job/career?
5. What's your favorite thing about yourself?
6. What's the place you most want to visit?
7. What's your favorite body feature on someone else?
8. What's your favorite movie?
9. What's your favorite TV show?
10. Choose one word that best describes you.
11. What time period would you most like to have lived in (in the past)?
12. What's the next thing you're (probably . . .) going to purchase?

Here are my answers:

1. Dublin, Ireland

2. Rice. I LOVE rice!!!

3. Powerade. I go through at least 10 a week!

4. I would LOVE to act on stage for the rest of my life. There's something about it that is just so relaxing. So fun!

5. I have my own unique style. Of everything. I don't conform to any stereotype. 

6. I have always wanted to visit Australia.........someday.......

7. Face. If someone has a cute face and a good personality that's all I need! lol

8. My favorite movie is 'Almost Famous'. I don't really know why. There's something about it that's just so.....BRILLIANT!

9. I love Smallville! It's one of the best shows out there at the mo! I'm really excited about the 9th season!

10. Actor. This word describes my life. I wake up every morning and put on a mask. This summer was the first summer in a VERY long time when I didn't have to wear it. Partly thanks to 'him'.....

11. The 70's. I think it's the influence of the film Almost Famous. It just seems like it was a really cool era!

12. I'm gonna be buying some tickets to a show that a friend of mine is in. Can't wait!

So, yeah. They're my answers! 

Play the game!

It kinda got me a little out of my bad mood....

grr....damn formatting!!!!

S xx

Someone.......... 10:15 AM

I need someone...

A friend...

Someone to just hold me...
Someone just to talk to...
Someone to cry with..
Someone to laugh with afterwards...

I want someone to run to when I'm scared...
When I'm angry...
When I'm about to crumble...

Someone like...

'him'......

My week so far..........guys,vocals, and training.................... 12:57 PM

..........it's been a few days since my last post!

So I thought I better post something before I lose the motivation to post! lol!

So, I went to the 'National Concert Hall' in Dublin on Monday to go to a Feis Ceoil concert(Performances from the best of the best of an all-Ireland music competition. Voice or instrument.).
I ended up booking the tickets for the wrong night! And therefore had to pay another 60euro for the tickets!! That was depressing since I'm already on negative funds!! :S
But, despite this 'little' hiccup the concert turned out to be amazing! Amazing young musicians with amazing talent! I was blown away!
Met this really cute guy at the concert! I 'think' he was gay. I dunno though. My
gaydar has been on the fritz recently. People I thought were gay have turned out straight, and people who I thought were straight have turned out gay! Strange!
Ah well!
Hopefully we'll meet again. I'm going to see some friends in an opera in the NCH next month and he's going as well! So, hopefully that'll go well!!! :D


I also had my first voice lesson on tuesday! My professor is amazing! He really knows what he's talking about! He's really helped me after just one lesson! Can't wait for my next one next week!


Went to training yesterday, and was given the option to try out for the Irish Taekwondo team in November for when they go to Korea next summer for the World Championships!!! So I really want to do that, but I'm not sure if the championships are going to interfere with my final exams at the start of the summer. So I'll do some more research and make my decision next week! Still cool to be asked to tryout though! :D

***

Got the book "The Picture of Dorian Gray" today. My mum first told me the story when I was 12 when we were on holidays in France and I loved the story since. I've never gotten the chance to read the book so now I'm doing it! Hurray! lol!

***

So, that's been my week so far! A better one comparing them to previous ones.
AND I haven't thought about 'him' ONCE in the past few days!...............aw crap..........:S

Anywhoos........

I'll try and post again a bit sooner!!

S xxx

'Footloose' and a night to forget........ 3:53 AM

So, I went to see 'Footloose' last night.

It was a fantastic production! The leads were brilliant and it was such a funny show!

But even so, I ended up having a pretty crappy night in the end......


So, the show was situated in the middle of NOWHERE and it took me like an hour to arrive! So that wasn't very convenient for the journey back.
I arrived at the show and went up to the ticket office to get my ticket. I looked in my wallet and had no money whatsoever. So I had to borrow money of a woman I know who was also going to the show. Not the best start!

I went in and sat down in my seat. I kept trying to look for some of my friends who were coming as well. And a whole group came! None of whom were the people I was hoping to come! So that sucked.
On the bright side, I didn't see 'him' anywhere! I was already pretty depressed that none of my friends came and I didn't want to be even more depressed.
Ugh.....never mind.....there he is...

He was talking to a few people across the room when I spotted him. My stomach turned.
He had his boyfriend with him. My head started spinning...
"Do not come over, Do not come over, Do not come over!"
He came over and started talking to the group who were with me. I didn't look at him and started a conversation with the girl next to me.
He eventually went to his seat and the show began...

The show had energy, great dancing and some SUPERB singers!
There were, however, some god awful singers and some god awful actors!
But it was a great show overall though. The leads and supporting leads carried the show very well!

The show ended and we all went to the bar upstairs.
I stood next to a few few people I knew. Bored out of my mind. I didn't really have anyone to talk to in the group.
And then 'he' joined the group I was in and stood next to me. With his boyfriend. He introduced his bf to us all.
"This is: John, Keith, Sarah, Norma, Adam, James and (LonelyBoy)"
He put his hand on my shoulder as he said my name. My knees shook slightly.
HOW DOES HE HAVE SUCH AN EFFECT ON ME!?!?!
I need a drink....
I went over to the bar. It had NOTHING!! All it had was beer(I hate beer).
So, this wasn't going very well.

I slipped over to another group, and still didn't really have anyone to talk to there either.

'He' was walking by and said hi to me.
We asked how each other was for about 30secs and then he said he was going to go and 'mingle'.

I know he doesn't owe me anything as we never went out together and nothing ever happened between us and he's just a "crush", but it's still soooo hard seeing him with someone else. Kissing someone else. Having his arm around someone else.....
I felt sick. Like, really sick!

I went to the toilet and calmed myself down. I went back out to the bar and tried to see if anyone was heading back to Dublin on there way home and if I could get a lift off them. I couldn't stand it there.
I was more depressed there than I was after the show we did together(see here).

I got the lift back home and went to bed. Lump in my throat and exhausted.

I fell asleep and had a dream about him.......


"He won't leave me alone!!!"


S xx

Excitement? Dread?.............. 8:45 AM

So,

I missed a post yesterday. But to be honest, it's exhausting trying to post EVERYday! My life isn't THAT interesting! lol!

And, I don't really have anything to post today either but I thought I should post something.

I'm going to see footloose tonight, and 'He'll' be there. I don't know if I'm excited or dreading seeing him.
Well, we'll find out later on won't we!?

So, I'll either be posting later on tonight if I have the energy, or tomorrow.
And I'll let you guys know what happened! K??


Anywhoos,

bye!

S xx

Choosing colleges, a 'not so' hot guy, and a new haircut........... 2:21 PM

Well today was a long day.....

Didn't have school because we got the day off to go to this college exhibition thingy. So that meant I could have a little bit of a lie in!
God I needed it!

So I arrived at the exhibition and paid the 10 euro entry fee. In the hall were hundreds of colleges from both Ireland and England.
There were 6th year students from all over Dublin and around, and I have to say that I really go an a pretty ugly school. I only say this because the amount of HOOOTTT guys there was unreal!!! Like seriously!! Everywhere I looked there was a perfectly toned boy with amazing hair! I'd say there's about three really hot guys in my year. THREE! Ugh!
Ah well. So I found a few colleges that I liked. Got a few brochures shoved into my arms and left with the biggest college prospectus books I've ever seen! A big weight to carry all the way home!

While in town I got some McDonalds(don't judge me.....I was starving!) and got my hair done. I have to say they did a fantastic job, if I do say so myself. I have never found a hairstyle that I have liked so much!
I think I'll be going there again!!!

Well, I got home and showed my parents the brochures of the colleges. Both of them just DO NOT support what I want to do. They want me to do Law or Engineering when I want nothing to do with those subjects! I want to do English and Music.
They're like, you could never find a job with a degree in those! And I reply that of course I can. What? The millions that study English and Music just get crappy jobs?! Don't be
ridiculous! They're so small minded. All they want me to do is get a "main-stream" job where I'll make a load of money. But I really don't want that! I'd rather get a job that pays enough for me to get by on, than one that earns me a load of money but I'll be miserable!
So, that conversation ended in argument, AGAIN, and now I'm pissed off and feel like crap! It's my GOD DAMN LIFE!!! IT'S MY GOD DAMN DECISION!!!!!!!!! UGH!!!!
I'm just gonna forget about it for tonight.

*sigh*



So, anyways, in yesterdays post I said that the Argentinean guy who just joined my year has turned out to not be so hot after all. Like, he's still perfectly tanned and toned and all, but he did something yesterday that COMPLETELY put me off him.
So I was standing at my locker getting some books for my next classes when some guys from my year started throwing insults my way.
"Get a fucking life ya queer!" One of them said.
I ignored them as I usually do and locked my locker.
Then the new Argentinean guy walked by and pushed me against my locker saying:
"Yeah, you fuck!"
I was.....eh....shocked?? He's been at the school for what? 2 days?? And already he's joined the "schmad lads"??
Well, I wasn't amused. So, as he started to walk away I grabbed his arm and twisted until he was on the floor pinned. I kicked the bag that was on his back(I wouldn't kick anyone unless I was being attacked or something) and walked away saying: "Fuck you".
I know Taekwondo and self defense so that's why the "schmad lads" don't normally come up to me, cause I'd normally hurt a few of em if they started on me. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a violent person. I just know how to defend myself and can fight back if if I'm started on.
So, anyways....the Argentinean guy?
Yeah, I've been completely put off him now.


So, back in school tomorrow.
Thank God it's Friday at least!!!
I need the weekend so badly!!!
I think I'm going out on Saturday, so hopefully that'll take my mind off of things!!


Anywhooos, that's it for today!!!!

S xx

My 20th post.......nothing special..... 3:18 PM

Just back from training. Exhausted. It was probably a bit stupid going with a messed up ankle, but luckily it was an easy enough class!

Not much to write about today. Just thought I'd post something to get me up to my 20th post!

I've got this college exhibition on tomorrow. Just a day to get a bunch of leaflets. Supposed to really boring and usless but ah well, have to go!

So hopefully I'll have some stuff to write about tomorrow. I'm sure I will. Meeting loads of people at this exhibition thingymajig.

Oh, and I also have some bad news of the Argentinian guy who just joined my year. Apparently he's not so hot as I thought he was.
But I'll tell yas about that tomorrow.
I think it'll be a big post tomorrow.
I'm just too tired at the moment to really write something. I'm doing this post from my iPod and that's a bitch in itself!

Ah well.....

I'll love yas and leave yas!!

S xx

Writing, cute guys, and the VMAs................ 2:22 PM

As I start my post  today, I  want to mention a few pieces of fantastic writing that I've discovered.

The first is on Formysake's page. It's called The closet under the stairs. 

It's a beautifully sad coming out story.

Very touching! I think everyone should read it!!

The second page is Ryan Dilk's page. He has many fantastic bog posts. An 

extremely good writer. I've been flicking through all his posts today and 

he's got some great material.

I really think you should all check out these pages. They're brilliant!

***

Anywhoos................

My day has been rather uninteresting for the most part.

Got my schedule for my voice training this afternoon, 

so that was kinda exciting!

A new guy started in my year today. He's from Argentina, and he's 

soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!!! 

Perfectly tanned and toned! Trying hard not to be so obvious in class, 

but the drooling might give it away! lol

Also, did anyone see the VMA's???

Kanye West is an asshole! What the fuck did he think he was 

doing doing that to Taylor Swift!?!? She's just a kid like!!!

If I was there I would have just punched him right in the face for 

doing that to Taylor! 

And I'm not normally a violent person!!

Anywhoo....They're my thoughts for the day......

Toodles! lol

(P.S Sorry for the crappy formatting! Blogger is in a mood and won't
let me space proberly!!! GRRRR!!!!)


S xx

strange, confusing, scary................... 2:31 PM

I'm exhausted!!!

Just back from training with a sprained ankle, pulled muscle in my side and very sore/tight hip joints!! Got ice-packs everywhere! Dunno what happened today?!? It wasn't even a particularly strenuous session! 

Ah well.....just one of those days I suppose!!!  

My day was a good one on the whole though.

I read in class(French) that in France, same sex couples have been able to marry since 1997! Thats amazing!! They're very far ahead of everyone else aren't they!?!? But if two men/two women are married they don't say that they are 'married', they say that they are 'paxed'! "Ils ont pacsé"(I think. I'm not that good at french. But it's something like that! lol).

That's actually kinda weird/strange/cool considering Homosexuality was illegal up until 1993!!! Wow, we're very old fashioned aren't we?! 

Later on I was talking to my mum in the car on the way to training, and we were listening to the radio. They were discussing how Elton John was banned from adopting a child from an orphanage with his partner. 

I asked my mum how she felt about that, and she said that when she thinks about it she doesn't think that they should because in her mind homosexuality is wrong. But then she went on to say that when she heres herself think that, she knows that she is wrong, but that is just how she was brought up. Its just the imprint that's left from her upbringing but she doesn't listen to it. 

So now I'm kinda worried about coming out to her now! I know that she'll still love me no matter what, but will there always be a part of her mind that thinks that what I am is wrong?? 

That scares me............

Addiction....... 9:30 AM

I  think I have a new addiction......THIS!!

I seem to always be on this blog!
It's like, I'm studying for a while and all of a sudden I've GOT TO check my blog/write something on my blog/read someone's blog!!

I started this blog to release my thoughts, or just to relax, but now it's like I've opened the gates and they won't close.
It's the whole bebo/facebook addiction type of thing all over again!!!! lol!!!

Or maybe it's just me and I have an addictive personality...........

All I know is that I've been on this blog for 8days and this is my 17th post!!!! :S

I honestly didn't think I'd have the attention span to keep posting!!! lol!!

I hope you guys(the few that are following this blog) are able to stay awake while reading. anyways!!!


********

Also, thanks to Fer, and Torchy for plugging me in their blog!! Thought I'd do the same even though I know I don't have as many followers!!! lol (Also, If anyone did plug me and you're not here just comment saying that you did, cause I think a few other people did but I'm too tired to remember right now!! lol


Anywhoos, talk cha later!!!

S xx

My pilgrimage........ugh..... 1:34 PM

Ok......I'm back from the pilgrimage! 


A three and a half hour bus journey up, and the same back! And On top of that it was a three hour mass!!! 3 god damn hours!!!! Needless to say.....I'm shattered!!!
On a better note my solo went well! So I'm happy with that! It was very daunting however standing in front of all those people! The church was HUGE!!! The biggest one I've ever seen in Ireland! 


There was also a very funny point in the mass where the priests stood in a circle and raised their hands and, I swear, I thought they were about to break out in chants and spells! I couldn't stop sniggering! Heehee!


Myself and two of the guys on the bus, suitably, had a discussion on faith and atheism. Normally I don't bother myself with such discussions but it turned out into a really interesting(an heated) discussion!! lol!!


****


P.S I want to thank those who comment on my posts! 
       They're really lovely and helpful!!!
       I just want to say thank you!!!!! 
      
xxx

"Friends"........ 3:02 PM

I seem to be losing friends......

Not because they don't like me or anything, but because I seem to be pushing them away.

We had a gang of about 6 and I've lost about 4 for them over the summer. 

I really thought that they would be the friends I come out to, but not anymore. I've found out that 3 of the girls are bitches and the guy is just an asshole. He's putting me down on everything I do. When I achieve something, he puts me down almost immediately. 

The last friend of the gang left I havn't seen in a few weeks. I really don't want to lose him. He's my best friend and I hope that when I come out to him next week(hopefully) he'll accept me. I need someone to talk to.

I can't wait for college to meet new people who'll accept me and who'll stick by me. 

I've really picked crap friends for the past few years. 

And it sucks cause I've got noone to talk to about anything. Noone to help me through anything i'm going through. 

*sigh*

Just 8 more months I guess......

Late notice!?!?!........... 1:36 PM

Ok! Kinda panicking!!!

Just got a call there from my music teacher asking me to sing solo at a church pilgrimage thing on Saturday. It'd be at the start in the Church where everyone goes before they set off on the pilgrimage. I know it's only a church thing and so it's not really a very big achievement, but there's gonna be 5000 people there!!! 5000!!!!
So, kinda nervous now!!!!!
So that means I have to travel for 4 1/2 hours on a bus and then walk for another god knows how long. Maybe I'll just slip away after my pieces!

I'm not even religious!!!!!

:S

Voice Training...... 11:44 AM

Some good news!!

Finally! After almost a year of begging, My dad has agreed to get me voice training!

This is big because it's expensive and it's not even a special occasion! lol He never normally agrees to these things!

I'm really excited because I've got an audition for an opera next March, so hopefully I'll have improved by then!!!

The guy who's training me is a professor from the US. He's been like all around the world singing in groups and barbershop quartets.(And term 'professor' must be a good thing! lol)
Oh, and did I mention he's REALLY hot!! heehee! He looks kinda like Orlando Bloom....but slightly hotter!

"Things are looking up!"

It was going so well too....... 2:26 PM

I have been trying and trying to get over 'him' for a while now. And today has been the first day where I feel as though I've made some progress. So this can only mean good things yeah??
Well, I thought so.

You see, I'm going to see a few friends of mine in a production of the musical 'Footloose'. And I've found out he's going to be there. :( There is no way I'm going to survive this if I keep seeing him.
I knew I was going to see him in October because he's in another show that I'm going to see. But I thought I'd have time to try and get over him by then. Nope, not at this rate. Maybe I'll just try and avoid him. 'Try' being the operative word.

I know.....I'm sounding like a broken record now....'him' 'him' 'him'.......sorry for my whining!

It's just difficult ya know????
I have never felt like this before about anyone....this really sucks!!

.......sorry! :S

So....it's time...... 7:28 AM

Ok. So I've decided.
It's time to come out. Well, begin to anyway.....

I've been thinking this over for a while and I've think I've figured out who, out of my friends, I can tell. It's surprisingly few, so that can tell you the caliber of friends I have. lol!
I've already come out to a few people in my 'other life', as I like to call it, where I do theatre and singing where, many people are out themselves and its as normal as having brown hair!

But, here, I'm talking about the friends I have in my normal life. 'Reality' basically!
I'm going to do it next week when I see them. REALLY nervous as I don't have any clue how my best friend will react. I think he's a bit homophobic to be honest, but I'm hoping he'll come around once I show him how normal it is, or try at least. Cause he;s my best friend and I don't want to lose another friend.

I think I'll tell my mum in a few weeks as well(but I don't know yet).
My dad?? I actually don't think I could ever pluck up the courage to tell him. He's a Muslim(mum's Irish), and isn't homosexuality like the devil's game in their eyes?? He's made very harsh terms against gays in the past and that's why I think if I told him our relationship would be effectively over.
Why has this got to be so hard!? Why, amongst all the other problems I have in my life, was I given this one to deal with too!?

*sigh*

.....this really is a f****d up world we live in...

Wwwwhhhyyy??????............. 12:36 PM

Whyyy....*tear*....why did this have to happen?!?!
It's so frustrating!!!! Argh!!!

I've lost my driver's license!!!!!
Now I've got to go down to the motor tax office, get a form, pay 8euros for two photos, and wait a week or two for a new one to be issued!
This is insanely annoying!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!

does time heal all wounds??...... 2:17 PM

Ya know....this whole thing with 'my crush' is not going away. I know its only been 2days since I last posted about him. But I still feel as strong as ever about him. :(
I was recommended by another blogger to take the picture of him I have on my wall(it's a picture of him with me amongst many other pictures of a trip we were both on...lol...i'm not like a stalker or anything!), and I did. But to be honest. Just spending one whole day without seeing his picture as I come in and out of my room was just too hard. So, an hour ago I put it back up, and I felt alot better. I think this whole cold turkey thing ain't gonna work for me.

Maybe I need a relationship to get over him. But, I don't want to go into a relationship with a guy/girl just to get over someone else. I don't wanna string them along ya know.
UGH! I dunno anymore.
Methinks it's gonna take time.....

Gay bashing..... 1:45 PM

Bullies who bully gays. What is their problem???
Is it just cause we're different??? Is it just to affirm their masculinity???

I really can't stand it. Society has come so far as to have a women politicians, a black president and is now on the brink of social equality between everyone.
But how come the bashing and slagging is as bad as ever?! 'Gay' or 'Queer' are still widespread derogatory terms, used across the globe.

Is it the case that 'it gets worse before it gets better'??
I hope so, because at this rate there will be public hangings by 2020!!

sorry.....just ranting! :S

I'm liking this blog thing.... 8:13 AM

Ya know, I started a blog a few months ago where I thought that I'd just post my thoughts on different things, films, books, my life. But to be honest, it didn't really take off. I deleted it last week with a grand total of 0 people following it! lol
I think what the problem was was that it wasn't really me talking. It had my mask on. I was talking about things to get my blog noticed. Current affairs, my life and media.
I posted, I think about 11 posts. Nadda!

But now, I set up this new blog without the mask on. I've talking about things that are close to me. About my 'real' life. Not to get my blog noticed, but to do the original thing that I had planned to do so many months ago...post my thoughts(as raw as they are). And already after 2 days. I've got three followers.

Maybe that's what was wrong with my last blog. It wasn't me, and I was trying too hard.

Advice to follow bloggers:

-Try. Don't get noticed.
-Don't be yourself. Don't get noticed.
-Be yourself and don't try. Get noticed.

Anyone else agree??............(I might be completely wrong! lol)......

'Were the world mine'......... 12:30 PM

I was recommended this film by one of my friends. Its a film about a boy called Timothy, who's recently 'come out' to his friends and family. He's bullied in school and his mum isn't particularly happy with his sexuality.
Timothy has a crush on the school's hot rugby player.
He auditions for his 'quirky' Shakespeare teacher's musical version of 'A midsummer's night dream'. He gets the lead.
While reading his script he discovers a spell of sorts that makes everyone he touches gay. He turns his crush gay, but then starts to turn everyone gay, with very funny effects.
Its funny and sad and, in my opinion, a great film. Plus, its got cute guys! lol

I've watched it once and plan on watching it again very soon!!
Very recommended!

wow.....school sucks... 11:46 AM

Ok....It's the first weekend after being back at school in 6th year and the amount of homework I've gotten is RIDICULOUS!
I had training after school on Friday so I couldn't really get into the work then. But then I started yesterday(Saturday) and I got about 3/4 of it done......in 4hours!!!!! And the rest done in two hours today. That's a total of 6 hours in the first weekend back at school!!
I don't know about you guys but I think that's kind of excessive!! lol

Well, I guess it does take my mind off "my crush" quite well(*see previous posts*). So that's good side-effect....i guess...

Gay marriage equality video........ 8:16 AM

Found this great short-short film while I was browsing my Facebook. It's about gay marriage. Very well made!

My crush......:'(....(its a long one, sorry!) 1:08 PM

Hey blogpeoples!

Just wondering if there's anyone actually reading this blog? I know there's probably not, but just if there is, I wouldn't mind some advice???

Anywhoo.....back to my thoughts!
I've a crush. I've never had such a crush in my life..............and it sucks!
It's on a guy for one. He's gay. And he's just the most fantastic guy I've ever met in my life. And.......he's taken!


I first met at the start of the summer at the second rehearsal of an operetta I was in. I had heard that there was a guy my age(18) in the show as well and to be honest I was kind of dreading him coming. I think it was because of my experiences in school and in my area. If I were to picture ANY of the guys in my school or area rehearsing in the operetta I KNOW that they would ruin it for me. This was my place to escape all the misery of my 'normal' life and I didn't want anyone coming to mess it up.
So, the second rehearsal came and he put his wet jacket down on my seat before we began.......not the best start. I went to move it so I could dry my chair and he came over to take the jacket and apologise. I thought it would take a while to feel him out and see if he was just another idiot. But, the moment he started talking, the annoyance that I thought I would feel just did not come.
I found myself wanting to talk to him. It was weird. This was not what I expected at all. But I soon found out he didn't even care that I was there. And why should he? I was just another guy in the chorus.
I then find out he was a genius of sorts. He was 18 and he had just written and produced an entire musical!! He was spectacular at the piano and had an amazing raw soft voice that I just melted when I heard.

I then assigned myself the task of finding out if he was gay, because I had my suspicions. But I really wasn't getting any chances to talk to him. He had people he talked to because he knew them from past shows, and I had a few people who I had gotten to know. But WHY couldn't I have gotten to know him?!
So the weeks went on and on and we came to opening night of the show, still with barely any speaking. We all had our costumes on and I was at the stage door, standing next to him while the overture was playing(It was very long). And we started to talk! He was telling me about his piano and where he writes music. I just loved listening to him. I'm pretty big into music as well and really loved the fact that we shared this in common! But, alas, the overture ended and we didn't really speak for the rest of the performances. But I really felt as though I was falling for this guy. I kept telling myself it was just a crush and that I'd forget about him
after the show. But we were travelling abroad to perform the show as well so that was just going to prolong my suffering.
We got on the plane and he sat next to me! And we started talking again. He was soo nice to me! But I was getting really pissed off at this stage. He was acting so nice to me but any other time when I tried to talk to him he just acted like I didn't exist or he didn't like me! But as he kept on talking my anger kept washing away.
Why did he have such an effect on me?!?

That night after dinner a few of us including him were in the kitchen talking about who was gay in the cast.
HE WAS GAY! My heart lept and I was jumping for joy in my head. Then he adds that he had a boyfriend aswell.......my heart plummeted down to my stomach. I could not remember the last time I felt so dissappointed.
I left and went to bed and felt like crying. This was not like any other crush I had ever had.
The next day was the show. I really tried to avoid him and did so with some success. After the show in the bar we got talking again and the question came up if I was gay. I said I was bi. He was surprised and said he never thought that I was. We started talking for the rest of the night all the way till 6am. I was talking with him about stuff I would never talk about with anyone. I had never enjoyed a person's company so much! But the fact still remained that he had a boyfriend.
By the end of the next day we wernt talking as much and I didnt really talk to him at all untill we landed home at the airport. We collected our bags and we all started saying goodbye to one another. He came up to me and gave me a hug goodbye. I actually almost cried as I hugged him, because I just didn't think that he would ever think the same about me.

Wwe all left and now it's about a month later and I still miss him soooo much! I've got a few pictures of the two of us on my wall. I know it's not a good idea because it's just not helping me get over him. But the fact is that I do not want to get over him. I feel so lonely without him. I find myself jsut staring at his picture for ages. At this point I don't even care if he's taken! I just want to be part of his life as a friend at least!

Is this love or just a crush????

This is the most awfull feeling in the world.......help me.....

I'm Bi......took me long enough 12:14 PM

I'm Bi.
Finally, after about six years of wrestling with myself saying that it's only a phase, I have eventually accepted it. It is kind of an anti-climax though, isn't it??
Years, of struggling with my sexuality. "Am i gay? Am I straight?", nope, i'll settle for both! lol!

I think struggling with my sexuality for so many years made me quite shy around alot of people. I think I thought that if I got to close to anyone they might figure out what I am and stay away from me.
I think I really accepted it near the begging of this summer just gone. I had started rehearsing for an operetta in town and by looking a few perfectly normal gay guys I think something clicked in my head that I could, of course, lead a perfectly normal life as a bi guy. And, who knows? I might even pick a side in the next few years. But now, at this moment in time. I can say with complete honesty that I'm attracted equally to both guys and girls.
I thinks that it was my recent exposure to the world of musical theatre where I met many gay people that started me on my jouney to accepting me for who I am(listen to me, ha, kinda cheezy?!).
I started coming out to a few people as well since the start of the summer. As I grew more and more comfortable with myself I just started telling people. Well, not going out of my way to tell people that I was bi, but, if people asked me where I stood, I'd tell them. Not at school however. That would just be suicide! lol That's Irish schools for ya!

But there's always one problem that ya just cant fix isnt there?? Be it a friend that you thought would accept you or a family member that you know will not.
Well, my problem is the latter. I have an Irish mother(who I know will accept me when I eventually tell her) and a muslim father. Talk about throwing a spanner in the works!
My dad isn't really the best follower of his religion but one thing that I think has been ingrained into his blood, just by his upbringing, is the the "death to homosexuals" mentality. I really don't think I could ever tell him. I know for a fact that he would not accept me. My relationship with him has not been that strong anyway for the past few years, so that just makes it that much worse. So, that'll be my problem to try and figure out over the next few months.

Life sucks......stick to theatre 11:37 AM

Ya know, if anyone does start to read this blog I just want to let ya know that I probobly wont be a great poster, or a great writer. This is just somewhere where I thought I'd let my thoughts out ya know??

Well, my background. I'm a young bi Irish guy who hasn't really been liking his life for, let's see....i dunno....a couple of years??
I guess it starts with school I guess. I'm in a crappy secondary school full of scumbags(excuse my language but there really arent any pleasent words for these people). Therefore, dont have many friends at school and my area for that matter. My area is pretty much the same as its in the same area as the school. So I was never really given a chance! lol!
Now, dont get me wrong or anything, I'm a nice guy. Not annoying. Good personality. Not ugly. I'm sporty. Do well enough in school so as not to be considered an idiot, but not soo well as to be considered a nerd or anything. I'm just normal. Dont really fall into any stereotype. I just clash with most of the personalities around me I guess. I've had friends. REALLY great friends. But they've turned out to be awfully superficial and not "REALLY great friends".
And to top that all off, since the start of secondary school I've been trying to deal with the fact that I'm bi.

So, yeah. That's kinda been the deal for the last six years of my life, more or less.

But, last year. An oppourtunity came. I was given a role in a school musical production. I was one of the supporting leads. And, the minute I stepped foot onto the stage I fell in love with it. From there my director told me of an amateur musical show being done in a theatre in town. I lept at the chance of course. Met the most amazing people and my love of theatre grew. From there another director contacted me and asked me to do another show in a different theatre in town. Again, I jumped at the chance! There, some people were not as nice. But my love of the stage did not dimish. Over the summer I found several theatre workshops. Met fantastic directors and MDs(Musical Directora).
I went into an operetta from there where we travelled abroad to perform. That show was where I met THE most amazing people. Fun loving, caring, kind people. Young and old. They were amazingly talented. I felt so happy to be apart of their show. I think it was there that I realized that I want to do this for the rest of my life.

There's someting about theatre that just let me get "away from it all", ya know??
Maybe it was the putting on a costume where I could have someone else's life for a few hours a day, for a few days. Or maybe it was the amazing people that I could REALLY be myself around. I think it was a combination of the two though.
I now count down the last few months of school untill I'm free to really embrace this life I've been missing for so many years.