'Falling' and mixed messages........

It's been AGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS since my last post so I thought I better do some updating! :D

So, where did we leave off?? Ah yes, college wasn't working out as planned and 'he' had just turned up at rehearsals with his boyfriend :S

So, I'll start with college.
I'm still not as sociable as I'd like to be. I basically don't talk to anyone in or out of lectures. It pretty much sucks. I never get to go out with my course because I'm always stuck in rehearsals for some kind of show in the evening :S I actually feel like crap :( That's all there is to say about that.

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Aaaanywho, rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast started back in October as you know and 'he' turned up with his boyfriend which threw me a little. However, a few weeks in the the rehearsals he talked to me on Facebook saying that he's not doing the show anymore because his lung collapsed(it's happened before, he's grand now).  His boyfriend subsequently dropped out of the show because I think he didnt want to do the show without 'him'. Then, while 'he' was in hospital he was on his laptop on Facebook one night and started talking to me again. We ended up talking for HOURS. Up until 4am in the morning I think! We talked about all different kinds of stuff. Then we started(well 'he' started) playing the question game(where you keep asking questions to the other person) which always gets very personal, and this time was no different. He was asking me the most PERSONAL of questions and I was stuggling to ask them back, because I'm not normally a very questions kind of person. An example question would have been: "Top or bottom", "How 'big' are you", "Perfect guy description", "Who you masturbaed to last".............like......WTF!?!?!?!? lol
And I'm afraid to say that I answered them all :S I told him things I probably really shouldn't have :
S In fairness, he answered the same questions. But that lasted for hours. Eventually we both went to sleep. :P
We talked once or twice after that. He came to see Beauty and the Beast when it was on over Christmas and the new year(It turned out to be an awesome show and one of the best casts I've ever worked with. I think I've made one or two friends form that), and we talked in the foyer for a while after the show. He then asked me if I was able to work stage crew for him in a show he was doing in town. He was directing and Musical Directing 'The Wizard of Oz' for a local musical theatre group. So I gladly agreed as I had never worked backstage before and thought it might be nice to try.
So I went along to the dress rehearsal(which went horrifically by the way :P) and his boufriend was also there backstage :( He was helping build the set as I was, but he was going to be up at the top doing the lights. So that was a bit of a relief. Just cause I feel awkward around him. Anyway, the show went ahead, I got to see lots of 'him' backstage. It was really great. I think our friendship is growing :) I also found that when I watched him directing the kids and when I saw him conducting the orchestra.....I found it(strangely) sexy :P Like, VERY sexy. I'm so strange, haha! :P
So the show ran for a week. It was a VERY stressfull show, but in the end it turned out to be a lovely little show to be a part of :) I also got a chance to properly talk to 'his' boyfriend both during and after the show in the pub when everything was finished. We actually got on really well. He's a really nice guy. Very funny. Which kinda makes me more comfortable around him now. So that can only be a good thing. I actually only just checked my facebook there and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and a couple of friends next Tuesday. That was nice. I guess I'll go. Might be fun :P

I also met up with 'him' yesterday. We were supposed to go see a play that was on in my university called: 'The Laramie Project'(About Matthew Shepherd who died from a vicious hate crime). He ended up being late anyways and we wern't allowed in :( So we went about town(because my university is right in the middle of town) and we got soemthing to eat, went about a few shops, and just talked for ages. It was just LOVELY. I've COMPLETELY fallen for him again :S *sigh*
We've also talked loads on Facebook. He says that his boyfriend still isn't the type of person he sees himself with(he's his only boyfriend ever). But he is afraid that if he were to break up with him he would regret it in the future. I was telling him he should stop thinking about that kind of stuff because he's too young(19) to be thinking of who he's gonna spend his life with :S
We really connect, ya know?? He is just THE PERFECT person. :(
Ah well, at least our friendship is stronger than ever. And I think I can live with that for now :)
I'm meeting him and his boyfriend to see 'The Laramie Project' in 20mins. So hopefully he's be on time :P

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Aaaanyways, I've now started rehearsals for 'Fiddler on the Roof'. It's a fully professional production and the cast is amazing. Big names in Ireland are in this :D Can't wait for it.
It's in a theatre in Dublin that I've always wanted to perform in since I was a little kid. This theatre holds the biggest panto in Ireland every year and I used to go and see them with my family. I always fantasised about being on that stage. And now I'm in a full blown professional production of a musical there! Dream come true really! :D :D

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I've also been texting this other guy I met through a friend from BATB. Now he's nothing like 'him', but he is awesome. He's goodlooking, a gymnast, dancer. Very funny. We've been texting pretty much every day since the new year. However, he's constantly sending me mixed messages. I can't make heads or tails of whether he 'likes' me or not. :S Sometimes he can be REALLY suggestive but then other times he'll completely negate it with another message :( I'm going to see him in a dance show tonight with some others and we'll see what happens. I don't think anything will happen though. I'm pretty sure he likes someone else. But sure ah well :S

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So yeah, thats my life up to date :D Wow, that was longer than I thought it would be! :D

I'll try to post more often, it's not like I have much to do :P


Love,

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