........so this isn't working out as I'd hoped it would.... 3:18 AM

Ya know, this whole 'College being a brand new start thing' isn't quite working out as I'd originally hoped.

I've been looking forward to college for the past 2-3 years thinking that when I got here I'd be completely myself, and I'd make friends and have actual people to talk to.
Yeah....eh....that's not really what's happend.

I think it's my fault. I'm just really anti-social it turns out. I'm always just too exhausted to go out to parties and such. That's mainly because of the ridiculous amount of rehearsals I have on at the moment for two shows. But I think that it's also part of me being a little depressed. I have the best time in rehearsals. I'm really 'fitting in' there and feel like that's where I belong. But there's always that part of my brain that keeps telling me that this won;t last. When you're finished this you'll be back at home...alone....and back at college....alone....back to the 'real world'. This is really where the title of my blog comes in: life really does suck....theatre is a different life for me. I WISH that could be my life. That I could just do it all day everyday. But I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.

I know NOONE who's doing my course! Everyone else I know is doing arts subjects, which means they're always on the other side of campus. I wish I could just start talking to someone and make friends that way. But the thing is with my course is that for the first two years of my course(which is a specialized nanoscience degree with only 9 people in it) all my lectures are with the general science students,...all 250 of them. So the person I meet on Monday might not been seen again for another couple of months. :/

I'm sitting here in college on a bench....by myself. I'm watching people go by happy and getting on with their days. I sit here cold(because it's raining) and tired, and feeling like I wanna go home and sleep for a week.

**

I've started rehearsals for 'Beauty and the Beast'(The musical). They started on wedensday. I walked in a bit late, as I had lectures till 8, and what was the first thing that I saw????????
'Him' with his boyfriend.
.....right........
Now, even though his boyfriend turns out to be a really nice guy and all, I don't think I could take 2.5 months of this.
*sigh*

**

I've also realized something recently.......I've never been in love.
That is something I crave sooooooooooo badly. Not just for someone to love me, but for me actually to love someone. I've never loved someone.
Depressing.

That's my life........FML.....


Sxxxxx

Shows, shows, shows.....and 'him'....... 5:06 PM

Hey Blogland!

Another long overdue post!
Sorry! I've been very busy with rehearsals for a few shows. The first was 'The Pirates of Penzance'. It was a spectacular show! The best show I've been involved with to date! We had a fantastic line-up of main principals! Very accomplished across Europe were the stars of this show, so we had a lot to live up to! :P
It was such a physical show! I'm still finding bruises I didn't know I had on my body! :P
It ran for a total of 6 nights, with a matinee and an evening performance on the last day!
Here's two of the promotional pictures for it! I'm not in them as it's only the main leads! :P

It was a fantastic show and now it's over :'( And I just finished another show after that! It was the opera 'La Traviata'. It was also in the National Concert Hall. It's a professional company so it's tough work! The music was very hard to learn but it's beautiful music and exactly what I love singing! :)
The girl in white in the photo above is playing the lead in the opera. She's AMAZING!!! And she's just lovely. Not a diva in anyway(which is hard to find in this profession). She's tipped to be the 'next big thing in Irish Opera'. So it's an honor to work with her!


Also, rehearsals are well underway for a show called 'Showstoppers'. It's also in the National Concert Hall. I actually can't wait for this one because I've got a part in it! I'm in several group numbers and I got the part of 'Action' for the 'West Side Story' number 'Officer Krupke'! I'm soooo excited :) And also, they're doing numbers from shows like 'Hairspray', 'Wicked', 'My Fair Lady', 'Sweet Charity'! It's gonna be brilliant! We've got a professional choreographer directing the show and choreographing it. She's brilliant. For the finale of the show we're doing 'You can't stop the beat' from 'Hairspray'! I cannot wait to dance to that! Heehee, I'm sooo excited!! :P
Here's the poster for it :

  

Also, in other news I got a new laptop from which I'm currently blogging! :) It's brilliant! I love it so much. It's HD and all, so I can watch all my hd films on my computer :) :) And it's nice and compact for college which started a few weeks ago. College is brilliant! I love it so much! :P
So yeah, that's my life to date. However, still no boyfriend :'( I met 'him'(see this post) again in 'La Traviata'. He was also in the chorus. It was soooooooooooooooo difficult seeing him again. I'm falling for him all over again. :( I also just came back from a trip down the country to promote another show starting at Christmas. It's the Wizard of Oz and I had to dress up as the 'tin man', 'he' had to dress up as the 'scarecrow' and another guy dressed up as the 'lion'. And we also had 'dorothy' there too.
So that was hard sitting right next to 'him' for 2hours in the car up and back from the trip. We get on soooooooooooo well though! :( It's sickening! He sends out so many signals as if he's interested! I'm so confused! He's still going out with his boyfriend. They're going out for about 18 months now. But he was telling me in the car that his bf isn't the type of person who he would have seen himself with. I don't know what that means! :S He also said that they've had a few fights because hus bf is a very jealous person. I have no idea of what to make of him!
It's killing me and I know that this is sooooo much more that a crush! And I need to deal with it because I'm starting rehearsals with him again next month and wont be finished untill mid february! :S

*sigh*

Ps. My blog had it's first birthday last month and I forgot! :S Ah well! A belated happy birthday to me! :P

Sxxxxxxxxx