I'm Bi......took me long enough 12:14 PM

I'm Bi.
Finally, after about six years of wrestling with myself saying that it's only a phase, I have eventually accepted it. It is kind of an anti-climax though, isn't it??
Years, of struggling with my sexuality. "Am i gay? Am I straight?", nope, i'll settle for both! lol!

I think struggling with my sexuality for so many years made me quite shy around alot of people. I think I thought that if I got to close to anyone they might figure out what I am and stay away from me.
I think I really accepted it near the begging of this summer just gone. I had started rehearsing for an operetta in town and by looking a few perfectly normal gay guys I think something clicked in my head that I could, of course, lead a perfectly normal life as a bi guy. And, who knows? I might even pick a side in the next few years. But now, at this moment in time. I can say with complete honesty that I'm attracted equally to both guys and girls.
I thinks that it was my recent exposure to the world of musical theatre where I met many gay people that started me on my jouney to accepting me for who I am(listen to me, ha, kinda cheezy?!).
I started coming out to a few people as well since the start of the summer. As I grew more and more comfortable with myself I just started telling people. Well, not going out of my way to tell people that I was bi, but, if people asked me where I stood, I'd tell them. Not at school however. That would just be suicide! lol That's Irish schools for ya!

But there's always one problem that ya just cant fix isnt there?? Be it a friend that you thought would accept you or a family member that you know will not.
Well, my problem is the latter. I have an Irish mother(who I know will accept me when I eventually tell her) and a muslim father. Talk about throwing a spanner in the works!
My dad isn't really the best follower of his religion but one thing that I think has been ingrained into his blood, just by his upbringing, is the the "death to homosexuals" mentality. I really don't think I could ever tell him. I know for a fact that he would not accept me. My relationship with him has not been that strong anyway for the past few years, so that just makes it that much worse. So, that'll be my problem to try and figure out over the next few months.

Life sucks......stick to theatre 11:37 AM

Ya know, if anyone does start to read this blog I just want to let ya know that I probobly wont be a great poster, or a great writer. This is just somewhere where I thought I'd let my thoughts out ya know??

Well, my background. I'm a young bi Irish guy who hasn't really been liking his life for, let's see....i dunno....a couple of years??
I guess it starts with school I guess. I'm in a crappy secondary school full of scumbags(excuse my language but there really arent any pleasent words for these people). Therefore, dont have many friends at school and my area for that matter. My area is pretty much the same as its in the same area as the school. So I was never really given a chance! lol!
Now, dont get me wrong or anything, I'm a nice guy. Not annoying. Good personality. Not ugly. I'm sporty. Do well enough in school so as not to be considered an idiot, but not soo well as to be considered a nerd or anything. I'm just normal. Dont really fall into any stereotype. I just clash with most of the personalities around me I guess. I've had friends. REALLY great friends. But they've turned out to be awfully superficial and not "REALLY great friends".
And to top that all off, since the start of secondary school I've been trying to deal with the fact that I'm bi.

So, yeah. That's kinda been the deal for the last six years of my life, more or less.

But, last year. An oppourtunity came. I was given a role in a school musical production. I was one of the supporting leads. And, the minute I stepped foot onto the stage I fell in love with it. From there my director told me of an amateur musical show being done in a theatre in town. I lept at the chance of course. Met the most amazing people and my love of theatre grew. From there another director contacted me and asked me to do another show in a different theatre in town. Again, I jumped at the chance! There, some people were not as nice. But my love of the stage did not dimish. Over the summer I found several theatre workshops. Met fantastic directors and MDs(Musical Directora).
I went into an operetta from there where we travelled abroad to perform. That show was where I met THE most amazing people. Fun loving, caring, kind people. Young and old. They were amazingly talented. I felt so happy to be apart of their show. I think it was there that I realized that I want to do this for the rest of my life.

There's someting about theatre that just let me get "away from it all", ya know??
Maybe it was the putting on a costume where I could have someone else's life for a few hours a day, for a few days. Or maybe it was the amazing people that I could REALLY be myself around. I think it was a combination of the two though.
I now count down the last few months of school untill I'm free to really embrace this life I've been missing for so many years.