Heyas,
So,
I know it's been aaaaaaaaaaaaggggggggggeeeeesssssssss since my last post and I kinda left it on a bit of a cliffhanger with me coming out to my mum but i'm back now with LOADS of news so I have a feeling this is gonna be a long one! So if you wanna go to the toilet I would recommend doing that now! Lol
Anywhooos!
So, back to me coming out.
Well I told my mum after FINALLY pluking up the courage one night after having a long (tearful) chat with Patrick(my boyfriend). She seemed to take it well. And the next day was grand and so was the next and then she asked if I wanted to go get a coffee in the local cafe. So we did that and she brought up the subject of me being bisexual. She asked what's going to happen. How I'm going to deal with it. Then she started talking about how this is worse than bringing a girl home pregnant and how is she going to deal with her family, because a few are quite homophobic. And how she dosnt want me to be known as 'the gay guy' and she dosnt want me telling many people untill I'm finished my final exams.
Now, I was quite upset by the previous comments but that fucking hurt. How dare she say that?!? I wasn't going to tell anyone untill after them anyways but even so, she shouldn't dictate who I tell and when. Bearing in mind she hasn't once said "it's all going to be fine" or "I still love you" or "don't worry" or "how are you coping" or anything like that like a parent should say, since I told her. So I got kinda angry and we left the cafe and headed home. Then for the next 2 months I didn't talk to her at all!!! She didn't make ONE effort to try and talk to me, or try to fix what happened. Now I seriously didn't need this. All this on top of the stress of my final year??
Anyways, during those two months a bit happened. I kept going to BeLonGTo(my lgbt youth group) and that just kept getting better and better.
I even lost my gay-virginity(TMI??? Lol)!! Haha!!
But then a few weeks after, I broke up with Patrick. I could see he was properly falling for me but I really wasn't in the same place and I didn't see myself there in the future. So I said I couldn't have are relationship with all the stress of exams around and therefore wouldn't be able to see him. He went pretty insane! He said how dare I do this and I'm an asshole for how I treated him over the past few days. And I so WASNT! I just didn't text him as much, and when I did I wasn't too talkitive. And that's what you do before you break up with someone! You don't act so close so the break up isn't such a shock! It's not like I called him names, or insulted him. I just wasn't talkitive when we talked!
And he went pretty crazy at me.
And it stayed like that for a while. Untill he messaged me and started talking again still saying I was in the wrong(pffff!) but maybe we could start again after all the exams.
Now I don't particularly want to do that, so i said maybe(cause I didn't want to lose him as a friend and didn't want him to lose interest in me) but not to put all his hopes on me, because neither of us know where we'll be in July! So, that kinda leaded into him getting angry again and is fighting.
So this repeated itself a couple of times before finally settling. And I thought we'd decided to just be friends. Like, after all that arguing who would POSSIBLy get back together?! Lol
**
Anyways after all that, i kinda started talking to my mum again. Reluctantly, but I kinda had to even though it was her fault ad she should have fixed it. It was after I did the musical 'Grease' in my school(I was kinikki)and she congratulated me. And that kinda got the ball rolling. But ah well. We're taking again but she still hasn't mentioned anything gay related. So I think she's avoiding the subject. I don't really care anymore. I can't wait to be free in college on September! :)
**
Some fantastic news for me happened in February.
I went to audition for a VERY respected vocal teacher in Ireland. She is regarded as one of the best if not THE best vocal techer in the country!
I went to audition for her and I sang an Aria from Mozart's The Magic Flute. She said I had a lovely tone to my voice and that we could start in September if I wanted!!! OMG!!! Of course I wanted!! What an honour!!! She's coached some of ireland's and Europe's biggest operatic voices!! I am soooooooooo riddiculously excited!!! :D
Yey for me!!! Lol
**
Anywhoos,
That brings us up to Easter Sunday when I was asked if I wanted to go out to a gay club in town with two girls from BeLonGTo. I jumped at the chance, because I had never been at a gay bar as a gay guy(I had only ever been out with my theatre group when we went to support to of our friends who were doing a show at a gay club and I wasn't really out then). Also I had made really good friends with one of the girls so I wanted to hang out with her. So we went out and had a few drinks and we got kinda drunk! Lol. Then my friend(the one I've made good friends with) started kissing me! I didn't stop it because I did like her and we were both a little drunk. But I told her I can't haves relationship because of exams and such, and she said that's fine even though she said she really likes me.
So we kissed a few more times, and then we started talking about some other guys in the club(she's also bisxual) and there were two HOT barmen and we both talked about which one we'd take! Lol. I have NEVER had ANYONE that I could talk boys with! It felt GREAT!! Lol
Then later on she came back from the toilet and she told me she madeout with one of the hot barmen(who turned out to be sr8!). I was sooo jealous! She was nervous telling me bout it because she didn't want me thinking I didn't like her! I said I was fine with it because it wasn't like we were 'going out' or anything. We were both happy we could have 'that' kind of relationship.
So then the bar closed and we left that bar. We were still kinda drunk at this stage. And we ended up losing the other girl we came with and she ended up going home. So we felt kinda bad about that :(
But me and my friend headed to another gay club that was still open because she got a text from two of her friends saying that they were there. We got in and met with her friends. OMG, one of her friends was called Paul and he was sooooooo HOT! I think she noticed that I liked him, and I think she must have said something to him because the next thing I know he's kissing me pulling me against the wall! He had a tongue stud as well, and usually I'm not one for liking piercings but kissing someone with a tongue stud is soooooooooo hot!! Lol
Then throughout the night he was dancing with me pulling me by the hand and by the shirt and kissing me again. He was AMAZING! :D
We left the club with his friend and mine. We started walking through the city. It's about 3am at this stage. We stop in a doorway because my friends show fell off and then all of a sudden me and Paul are against the wall again making out. Lol
He is SUCH a good kisser!
If someone had told me last september that I woul be going out to gay clubs and making out with guys on the street at 3 in the morning, I would have laughed them away! But now I'm having sooo much fun!! :D
Anyways, I had to go home so I kissed him and my friend goodnight an headed home on SUCH a high.
This wasn't to last though.
Patrick had been in Italy for the past week. Then he messages me saying he knows about the gay club and stuff. I was like "ok"?? "and??"
He started giving out to me about lieing to him about not being able to have a relationship and yadda yadda. I said he was overreacting and that I didn't lie to him. I'm not in ANY relationship nor am I going to be. I'm allowed have fun with friends in a club not that it's any of his business. He still thinks that we could get back together after exams!!! For feck sake!! Go away now!! :S
We've argued and argued and argued and Ive sent soooooo many messages trying to send the message that I'm NOT interested anymore! He won't take it! Grrr!
So he got angry, we didn't talk for a few days and then he made up with me. He better not think we've still got a chance!! I swear to god!! Lol
Anyways, that brings us up to today
And that's blog up to date. Yeah, that's not ALL that happened, but I didn't want to make the post TOO big! Lol. So I picked the best bits! :)
I also noticed I have 51 followers?!?! When did this happen?!? Lol
I'm glad that that many people enjoy reading my blog even though it dosnt constantly have pictures of hot guys on it(I'M NOT CRITISISING BLOGS WITH HOT GUYS ON THEM!! I LOVE THEM!! NEVER STOP!! Lol).
Thanks peeps for sticking with me :)
So yeah,
That's me back on the blog scene!! :)
Hopefully I won't neglect it too much!
Love!!!!
Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
