'Falling' and mixed messages........ 4:49 AM

It's been AGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS since my last post so I thought I better do some updating! :D

So, where did we leave off?? Ah yes, college wasn't working out as planned and 'he' had just turned up at rehearsals with his boyfriend :S

So, I'll start with college.
I'm still not as sociable as I'd like to be. I basically don't talk to anyone in or out of lectures. It pretty much sucks. I never get to go out with my course because I'm always stuck in rehearsals for some kind of show in the evening :S I actually feel like crap :( That's all there is to say about that.

**

Aaaanywho, rehearsals for Beauty and the Beast started back in October as you know and 'he' turned up with his boyfriend which threw me a little. However, a few weeks in the the rehearsals he talked to me on Facebook saying that he's not doing the show anymore because his lung collapsed(it's happened before, he's grand now).  His boyfriend subsequently dropped out of the show because I think he didnt want to do the show without 'him'. Then, while 'he' was in hospital he was on his laptop on Facebook one night and started talking to me again. We ended up talking for HOURS. Up until 4am in the morning I think! We talked about all different kinds of stuff. Then we started(well 'he' started) playing the question game(where you keep asking questions to the other person) which always gets very personal, and this time was no different. He was asking me the most PERSONAL of questions and I was stuggling to ask them back, because I'm not normally a very questions kind of person. An example question would have been: "Top or bottom", "How 'big' are you", "Perfect guy description", "Who you masturbaed to last".............like......WTF!?!?!?!? lol
And I'm afraid to say that I answered them all :S I told him things I probably really shouldn't have :
S In fairness, he answered the same questions. But that lasted for hours. Eventually we both went to sleep. :P
We talked once or twice after that. He came to see Beauty and the Beast when it was on over Christmas and the new year(It turned out to be an awesome show and one of the best casts I've ever worked with. I think I've made one or two friends form that), and we talked in the foyer for a while after the show. He then asked me if I was able to work stage crew for him in a show he was doing in town. He was directing and Musical Directing 'The Wizard of Oz' for a local musical theatre group. So I gladly agreed as I had never worked backstage before and thought it might be nice to try.
So I went along to the dress rehearsal(which went horrifically by the way :P) and his boufriend was also there backstage :( He was helping build the set as I was, but he was going to be up at the top doing the lights. So that was a bit of a relief. Just cause I feel awkward around him. Anyway, the show went ahead, I got to see lots of 'him' backstage. It was really great. I think our friendship is growing :) I also found that when I watched him directing the kids and when I saw him conducting the orchestra.....I found it(strangely) sexy :P Like, VERY sexy. I'm so strange, haha! :P
So the show ran for a week. It was a VERY stressfull show, but in the end it turned out to be a lovely little show to be a part of :) I also got a chance to properly talk to 'his' boyfriend both during and after the show in the pub when everything was finished. We actually got on really well. He's a really nice guy. Very funny. Which kinda makes me more comfortable around him now. So that can only be a good thing. I actually only just checked my facebook there and he asked me if I wanted to go out with him and a couple of friends next Tuesday. That was nice. I guess I'll go. Might be fun :P

I also met up with 'him' yesterday. We were supposed to go see a play that was on in my university called: 'The Laramie Project'(About Matthew Shepherd who died from a vicious hate crime). He ended up being late anyways and we wern't allowed in :( So we went about town(because my university is right in the middle of town) and we got soemthing to eat, went about a few shops, and just talked for ages. It was just LOVELY. I've COMPLETELY fallen for him again :S *sigh*
We've also talked loads on Facebook. He says that his boyfriend still isn't the type of person he sees himself with(he's his only boyfriend ever). But he is afraid that if he were to break up with him he would regret it in the future. I was telling him he should stop thinking about that kind of stuff because he's too young(19) to be thinking of who he's gonna spend his life with :S
We really connect, ya know?? He is just THE PERFECT person. :(
Ah well, at least our friendship is stronger than ever. And I think I can live with that for now :)
I'm meeting him and his boyfriend to see 'The Laramie Project' in 20mins. So hopefully he's be on time :P

**

Aaaanyways, I've now started rehearsals for 'Fiddler on the Roof'. It's a fully professional production and the cast is amazing. Big names in Ireland are in this :D Can't wait for it.
It's in a theatre in Dublin that I've always wanted to perform in since I was a little kid. This theatre holds the biggest panto in Ireland every year and I used to go and see them with my family. I always fantasised about being on that stage. And now I'm in a full blown professional production of a musical there! Dream come true really! :D :D

**

I've also been texting this other guy I met through a friend from BATB. Now he's nothing like 'him', but he is awesome. He's goodlooking, a gymnast, dancer. Very funny. We've been texting pretty much every day since the new year. However, he's constantly sending me mixed messages. I can't make heads or tails of whether he 'likes' me or not. :S Sometimes he can be REALLY suggestive but then other times he'll completely negate it with another message :( I'm going to see him in a dance show tonight with some others and we'll see what happens. I don't think anything will happen though. I'm pretty sure he likes someone else. But sure ah well :S

**

So yeah, thats my life up to date :D Wow, that was longer than I thought it would be! :D

I'll try to post more often, it's not like I have much to do :P


Love,

Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

........so this isn't working out as I'd hoped it would.... 3:18 AM

Ya know, this whole 'College being a brand new start thing' isn't quite working out as I'd originally hoped.

I've been looking forward to college for the past 2-3 years thinking that when I got here I'd be completely myself, and I'd make friends and have actual people to talk to.
Yeah....eh....that's not really what's happend.

I think it's my fault. I'm just really anti-social it turns out. I'm always just too exhausted to go out to parties and such. That's mainly because of the ridiculous amount of rehearsals I have on at the moment for two shows. But I think that it's also part of me being a little depressed. I have the best time in rehearsals. I'm really 'fitting in' there and feel like that's where I belong. But there's always that part of my brain that keeps telling me that this won;t last. When you're finished this you'll be back at home...alone....and back at college....alone....back to the 'real world'. This is really where the title of my blog comes in: life really does suck....theatre is a different life for me. I WISH that could be my life. That I could just do it all day everyday. But I don't think that's gonna happen anytime soon.

I know NOONE who's doing my course! Everyone else I know is doing arts subjects, which means they're always on the other side of campus. I wish I could just start talking to someone and make friends that way. But the thing is with my course is that for the first two years of my course(which is a specialized nanoscience degree with only 9 people in it) all my lectures are with the general science students,...all 250 of them. So the person I meet on Monday might not been seen again for another couple of months. :/

I'm sitting here in college on a bench....by myself. I'm watching people go by happy and getting on with their days. I sit here cold(because it's raining) and tired, and feeling like I wanna go home and sleep for a week.

**

I've started rehearsals for 'Beauty and the Beast'(The musical). They started on wedensday. I walked in a bit late, as I had lectures till 8, and what was the first thing that I saw????????
'Him' with his boyfriend.
.....right........
Now, even though his boyfriend turns out to be a really nice guy and all, I don't think I could take 2.5 months of this.
*sigh*

**

I've also realized something recently.......I've never been in love.
That is something I crave sooooooooooo badly. Not just for someone to love me, but for me actually to love someone. I've never loved someone.
Depressing.

That's my life........FML.....


Sxxxxx

Shows, shows, shows.....and 'him'....... 5:06 PM

Hey Blogland!

Another long overdue post!
Sorry! I've been very busy with rehearsals for a few shows. The first was 'The Pirates of Penzance'. It was a spectacular show! The best show I've been involved with to date! We had a fantastic line-up of main principals! Very accomplished across Europe were the stars of this show, so we had a lot to live up to! :P
It was such a physical show! I'm still finding bruises I didn't know I had on my body! :P
It ran for a total of 6 nights, with a matinee and an evening performance on the last day!
Here's two of the promotional pictures for it! I'm not in them as it's only the main leads! :P

It was a fantastic show and now it's over :'( And I just finished another show after that! It was the opera 'La Traviata'. It was also in the National Concert Hall. It's a professional company so it's tough work! The music was very hard to learn but it's beautiful music and exactly what I love singing! :)
The girl in white in the photo above is playing the lead in the opera. She's AMAZING!!! And she's just lovely. Not a diva in anyway(which is hard to find in this profession). She's tipped to be the 'next big thing in Irish Opera'. So it's an honor to work with her!


Also, rehearsals are well underway for a show called 'Showstoppers'. It's also in the National Concert Hall. I actually can't wait for this one because I've got a part in it! I'm in several group numbers and I got the part of 'Action' for the 'West Side Story' number 'Officer Krupke'! I'm soooo excited :) And also, they're doing numbers from shows like 'Hairspray', 'Wicked', 'My Fair Lady', 'Sweet Charity'! It's gonna be brilliant! We've got a professional choreographer directing the show and choreographing it. She's brilliant. For the finale of the show we're doing 'You can't stop the beat' from 'Hairspray'! I cannot wait to dance to that! Heehee, I'm sooo excited!! :P
Here's the poster for it :

  

Also, in other news I got a new laptop from which I'm currently blogging! :) It's brilliant! I love it so much. It's HD and all, so I can watch all my hd films on my computer :) :) And it's nice and compact for college which started a few weeks ago. College is brilliant! I love it so much! :P
So yeah, that's my life to date. However, still no boyfriend :'( I met 'him'(see this post) again in 'La Traviata'. He was also in the chorus. It was soooooooooooooooo difficult seeing him again. I'm falling for him all over again. :( I also just came back from a trip down the country to promote another show starting at Christmas. It's the Wizard of Oz and I had to dress up as the 'tin man', 'he' had to dress up as the 'scarecrow' and another guy dressed up as the 'lion'. And we also had 'dorothy' there too.
So that was hard sitting right next to 'him' for 2hours in the car up and back from the trip. We get on soooooooooooo well though! :( It's sickening! He sends out so many signals as if he's interested! I'm so confused! He's still going out with his boyfriend. They're going out for about 18 months now. But he was telling me in the car that his bf isn't the type of person who he would have seen himself with. I don't know what that means! :S He also said that they've had a few fights because hus bf is a very jealous person. I have no idea of what to make of him!
It's killing me and I know that this is sooooo much more that a crush! And I need to deal with it because I'm starting rehearsals with him again next month and wont be finished untill mid february! :S

*sigh*

Ps. My blog had it's first birthday last month and I forgot! :S Ah well! A belated happy birthday to me! :P

Sxxxxxxxxx

Results and College!!!!!!!!! 2:14 AM

So,

On Wedensday, the 18th of August I recieved my Leaving Cert(final exams in high school) results! I can tell you now that I have never been so nervous in my life!! It was worse than actually doing the exams!
So I went back to my, now old, school and waited in line to recieve my results. I went into my vice-principal and sat down with him and he handed me my certificate. I was so nervous i took about 30 seconds before I looked down at the piece of paper which would pretty much decide the next 4 years of my life!
This is what I saw!

Irish - B2(ordinary level)
Maths - B2(honours level)
Chemistry - B2(honours level)
Physics - B2(honours level)
English - B2(honours level)
Music - B1(honours level)
French - C2(honours level)

Thats 470 points! The whole system is marked out of 600. And 470 is judged as very good considering the average points for the country is arounf 340-350!
I was soooooooooooooo over the moon! More than I dared to hope for!!
That put me back in with a chance to go to Trinity College! Trinity is the BEST college in the country and with points like mine I had a chance!!! I had originally given up hope for it all the way back in February!
Now I just had to wait until the 23rd of August to see what college offers I get and see if one of them is from Trinity College!!!
I went out that night with some friends to celebrate! It was a great night! One of the best i've had in a long time! :D

--

Today was the day I was waiting for! 'Offers' day!
Offers were posted online on my CAO account(CAO is a liason system that colleges use to offer places) from 6am onwards! Needless to say that I was up at 6am waiting for the offer to come in.
I went onto the website at 6am only to find that the server had crashed due to almost every student in the country trying to check their account at the same time! lol
So eventually it came back up at 630am and I check my account...............I GOT OFFERED A PLACE IN TRINITY COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was the course I wanted the most! Its a specialized science course. I never thought that I would get it in a million years! :D But I did!
I am now a Trinity College student! One of the top 50 universities in the world, THE best in the country!
I'm so happy right now its riddiculous! :D

I should be starting on the 23rd of September! I cannot wait!!!!! And to top it of its the most accessible college, transport-wise, for me! So it'll be easy going in and out from my house!
I am over the moon!!!!!!

Now I can just relax and worry about nothing for the next month!!!! :D

*Victory dance*


I am now a college student! :D

Sx

Quick update! 4:19 PM

Heya guys!

Just a quick update seen as I havnt given any in AGES!! :P

Rehearsals for 'Pirates of Penzance' are going fantastically! :) it's going to be amazing!!!! Like, seriously, probably the best show I've ever been involved in! :)
Can't wait for opening night! :)

Also, went to a friends bday party last night. A nice night. Bit boring, but when the hot straight guy got his cock out (jokingly :P) I cheered up :P


Also, I got DailyBooth! So I should be taking regular pics I hope.
If you want the address just ask and I'll pm you! :)

Okies!

Talk laters!!!!

Sxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Best friend..... 3:46 PM

I need a best friend.
I think it's a necessity in life really. Ever since I realized my 'best friend' was a homophobic fucktard(sorry for the language) I havnt had that one constant person in my life.
Everyone needs that someone who knows you in and out. Who you can go to anytime and just hang out.
I've lost that.
I need it back.
This sucks.

Sxx

Exams, Pride, and becoming 'gayer'?? 3:04 AM

So,

I finished my final exams(my leaving cert) last thursday! You cannot imagine how happy I am!!!! I honestly thought this day would NEVER come!! Lol
Now I just need to wait for my results in August and then....COLLEGE!!!! I can't wait for college! I really hope it'll be a turning point in my life! :)
**
I went to the Dublin Gay Pride Festival on Saturday. I went by myself cause I didn't have anyone to go with. So I followed the parade through the city. There were over 22,000 people IN the parade!! That's amazing considering only 5,000 were in it last year! And then there were over 100,000 people watching it!
The bigest Irish pride festival ever! I'm so happy I went. I stayed for the whole parade and went to watch a bit of the outdoor party in the city. I met a few people from BeLonGTo there as well. B2 had a big part in the parade. They had a 'rainbow dance' thing. Lol.
Here's a pic of them with their giant rainbow sticks they had on their backs while dancing:






I talked to a few of them for about 20mins and then they kinda drifted away. So I left. I saw a good few people I knew in the parade! People I never knew were gay! So that was nice!





So I was happy I went to at least watch the parade! Next year I hope to fully experience the pride festival with all it's aftershow parties! :)
Here's a pic of a very funny side of a float in the parade! :P






On another note, I think i'm becoming 'gayer'?? Lol!
I find myself REALLY looking at guys lately! Like, perving at almost EVERY opportunity! Lol Wierd?! Like, I used to have a pretty equal balance between liking girls and guys, but now it's 90%-95% guys! Not that I'm complaining! :P Gay pride was just a HUNK fest!!! Lol!!





Hello muscles...:)





The guy in the middle....*drool* :P

I also went to see 'Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time' today. And I have to say that Jake Gyllenhaal is astonishingly sexy in it! To be honest I have never really seen what others were on about when they talk about how hot he is, but now.....omg! :O :P
**
So yeah, exams over, summer beginning and now I'm getting 'gayer'! Summer will be interesting!! :P
Hopefully it will be fun :)


Thanks for reading!

Peace,


Sxxxxxxx